Lee played with my hair. My skin tingled. There was something in his posture that was protective and in his eyes a question. Should I have kissed him?
"We were heading to Chelle's house." I left it open. I didn't want Lee to see where Chelle lived but disinviting him wouldn't have been kind either. We could go to the library but would Lee be comfortable there? What other places were there?
Chelle didn't wait. "Want to come?" She piped in.
"Sure," Lee said, his soft gaze wrapping me in a warm blanket.
Too quickly the emotional security disappeared. Even with Lee's hand holding mine, with each step closer to the dump Chelle called home I cringed a little more. What would Lee think of the rickety steps, the cheap trailer, the mountains of moldy dishes, the overwhelming stench of cat urine and old cigarettes? His apartment was bare of clutter and I didn't know if it was because he was fastidious or because he had little to clutter it with.
Chelle and he spoke while dread built a fortress in my belly. Chelle made him laugh and he smiled at me in a way that said, 'I like her, don't worry.' Glad Chelle was making a good impression I hoped by the time we arrived, Lee would be able to see past the craptasticness of it all to the gem of Chelle.
Too soon the turn to the dirt driveway loomed. The yard of dust, broken cars and overfilled garbages still hidden by trees. "We could go to the library instead." It was a last-ditch effort to avoid Lee seeing Chelle's place.
"Where do you live?" Lee asked Chelle.
She waved her hand toward the slight opening. "That's my driveway."
Lee raised an eyebrow my direction.
Shame twisted. My eyes fell to my feet. I swallowed knowing what he would say next.
"Let's check it out." Lee smiled and squeezed my hand.
We crossed the street. The familiar scattering of cats ran about the yard. The tin roof was dingy even as the sun reflected off the rippled corrugated sheets. The acrid scent of putrification wafted in the breeze. I held back the need to vomit. Lee didn't say anything. I let go of his hand mentally preparing for some polite excuse about forgetting he needed to be somewhere.
"I always wondered who lived back here. My friends and I used to ditch and head past this place to smoke." Lee's polite conversation eased the tightness in my belly.
Chelle's house sat on the edge of the gulch. Used condoms, heroin needles, and leftover burned meth pans scattered the divide. How many condoms had Lee left there? Would we be leaving one behind? The gulch resembled Eden after a few heavy rains but today it was mud ridden and bare trees stretched skeletal fingers into the gray sky in a web of death and decay. A solitary brown crumpled leaf broke off and fluttered to the ground. A grave unsettling seized my chest. Was it an omen?
The nightmare repeated itself with a vividness it lacked in the haze of morning. Lee would be gone before summer came.
Lachelle led the way up the splintered steps, Lee followed. I dragged behind in no rush to experience the sensation of being drowned in a dry dirty toilet.
For a moment he looked like he'd ran into a wall the stench hitting hard and fast. He looked at me, I avoided his gaze. Shrugging, he stepped inside.
I stepped into the cesspit, studying Lee's face. His eyes poured over the moth-eaten furniture, the piles, and piles of dishes. Was he counting how many mountains there were? Stained clothes spilled from the hall into the living room. Fly strips hung from the ceiling with hundreds of small black bodies stuck to the grimy orange-yellow film. Green carpet with large brown stains and crumbs gave way to the family shrine, a television taking up a fourth of the wall, inside an entertainment center that crowded into the hallway.
Chelle must have cleaned. The thirty-plus empty beer bottles were missing along with the half dozen pizza boxes with fuzzy green slices and crawly things, even the ashtrays were only half full.
Lee didn't make a face of disgust, or find a reason to leave. Maybe he'd grown up around much worse. Lee stretched his arm around and pulled me close.
The scent of his cologne, the sweetness of his skin was an oasis from the acrid odors. His leather jacket pressed against my cheek. He didn't run screaming. He spoke to Chelle with kindness and no trace of condescension. He listened as she spoke, nodding his head.
Chelle's wide eyes flew from me to him with a perplexed sheen as Lee stood in her home with his eyes on her and not on the trash that spilled from the bin onto the floor of her kitchen.
In that moment, something that was a seed sprouted. I was falling in love for the first time in my life and there was no going back from it.
"We were heading to Chelle's house." I left it open. I didn't want Lee to see where Chelle lived but disinviting him wouldn't have been kind either. We could go to the library but would Lee be comfortable there? What other places were there?
Chelle didn't wait. "Want to come?" She piped in.
"Sure," Lee said, his soft gaze wrapping me in a warm blanket.
Too quickly the emotional security disappeared. Even with Lee's hand holding mine, with each step closer to the dump Chelle called home I cringed a little more. What would Lee think of the rickety steps, the cheap trailer, the mountains of moldy dishes, the overwhelming stench of cat urine and old cigarettes? His apartment was bare of clutter and I didn't know if it was because he was fastidious or because he had little to clutter it with.
Chelle and he spoke while dread built a fortress in my belly. Chelle made him laugh and he smiled at me in a way that said, 'I like her, don't worry.' Glad Chelle was making a good impression I hoped by the time we arrived, Lee would be able to see past the craptasticness of it all to the gem of Chelle.
Too soon the turn to the dirt driveway loomed. The yard of dust, broken cars and overfilled garbages still hidden by trees. "We could go to the library instead." It was a last-ditch effort to avoid Lee seeing Chelle's place.
"Where do you live?" Lee asked Chelle.
She waved her hand toward the slight opening. "That's my driveway."
Lee raised an eyebrow my direction.
Shame twisted. My eyes fell to my feet. I swallowed knowing what he would say next.
"Let's check it out." Lee smiled and squeezed my hand.
We crossed the street. The familiar scattering of cats ran about the yard. The tin roof was dingy even as the sun reflected off the rippled corrugated sheets. The acrid scent of putrification wafted in the breeze. I held back the need to vomit. Lee didn't say anything. I let go of his hand mentally preparing for some polite excuse about forgetting he needed to be somewhere.
"I always wondered who lived back here. My friends and I used to ditch and head past this place to smoke." Lee's polite conversation eased the tightness in my belly.
Chelle's house sat on the edge of the gulch. Used condoms, heroin needles, and leftover burned meth pans scattered the divide. How many condoms had Lee left there? Would we be leaving one behind? The gulch resembled Eden after a few heavy rains but today it was mud ridden and bare trees stretched skeletal fingers into the gray sky in a web of death and decay. A solitary brown crumpled leaf broke off and fluttered to the ground. A grave unsettling seized my chest. Was it an omen?
The nightmare repeated itself with a vividness it lacked in the haze of morning. Lee would be gone before summer came.
Lachelle led the way up the splintered steps, Lee followed. I dragged behind in no rush to experience the sensation of being drowned in a dry dirty toilet.
For a moment he looked like he'd ran into a wall the stench hitting hard and fast. He looked at me, I avoided his gaze. Shrugging, he stepped inside.
I stepped into the cesspit, studying Lee's face. His eyes poured over the moth-eaten furniture, the piles, and piles of dishes. Was he counting how many mountains there were? Stained clothes spilled from the hall into the living room. Fly strips hung from the ceiling with hundreds of small black bodies stuck to the grimy orange-yellow film. Green carpet with large brown stains and crumbs gave way to the family shrine, a television taking up a fourth of the wall, inside an entertainment center that crowded into the hallway.
Chelle must have cleaned. The thirty-plus empty beer bottles were missing along with the half dozen pizza boxes with fuzzy green slices and crawly things, even the ashtrays were only half full.
Lee didn't make a face of disgust, or find a reason to leave. Maybe he'd grown up around much worse. Lee stretched his arm around and pulled me close.
The scent of his cologne, the sweetness of his skin was an oasis from the acrid odors. His leather jacket pressed against my cheek. He didn't run screaming. He spoke to Chelle with kindness and no trace of condescension. He listened as she spoke, nodding his head.
Chelle's wide eyes flew from me to him with a perplexed sheen as Lee stood in her home with his eyes on her and not on the trash that spilled from the bin onto the floor of her kitchen.
In that moment, something that was a seed sprouted. I was falling in love for the first time in my life and there was no going back from it.
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