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An Exercise in Self Development: The Best Bad Boy (Forward)

"More tragic than any death is living with an endlessly broken heart." 

"Don't confuse grief with love." 

"Once you can remember the love without pain, your heart will be open to love again."

-Dr. John Gray

Writing "The Best Bad Boy," is part of my journey in learning to love again. Remembering the first guy who swept me off my feet and into infatuation is a self-development exercise.


An exercise to help me avoid becoming one of those bitter women who hate men. I've unfortunately had some horrific experiences that affected my ability to date, maintain relationships and even converse with the other gender. (We're not opposite, we just have some anatomical differences.)

The other day I was out with a sweet guy and yet I couldn't seem to stop myself from accidentally insulting his work,  his business, and his family. It regrettably wasn't the first time this happened over the last four years.

I liked the guy and because of the trauma it kicked my fight or flight into gear and my unconscious started sabotaging things. I'm not happy with this.

Instead of writing a memoir about all the ick I've been through because that is just too depressing, (I know I've tried) I wanted to focus on all the positives men have brought into my life.

This means exposing what a total freak and weirdo I was growing up and that for a while I was into Wicca. Which let's face it, Wicca, in a neo-nazi Christian society means people think you exist to eat babies instead of the one rule of "Harm it none, do what ye will." Despite popular opinion, I still have a fondness for crystals, meditation, lighting candles and making wishes or prayers however you want to call it but in Wicca, it's called casting spells.

However, I learned it's far easier to just smile and nod and not associate with any set belief paradigm in life. I guess you could say I've gone from Mormon to Wicca to Shamanism back to Mormon then atheism and dipped my toes into Buddhism and Hinduism. Currently, I hover between agnostic and atheist with a keen focus on research-based neuropsychology.

That said teenage and childhood trauma brought out some strange gifts or created some peculiar delusions. I'm not sure which. Part of why I'm hesitating to write the next chapter is it starts opening up that particular can of worms.

A can of worms that caused me to be ostracized from second grade onwards. Anyway, I hope you who read 'The Best Bad Boy' will forgive its peculiarity and deviation from normal.

Below are some of the most helpful audiobooks I've listened to on my divorce journey, I encourage you to listen to or read at least one of these life enhancing gems, it's amazing how a bit of knowledge can make all the difference!






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