The door loomed. By going through it, what was I agreeing to?
"We don't have to go in if you don't want," Lee said noticing my hesitance.
I took a deep breath for courage. I trusted Lee. It made no sense but the man who scared everyone else, who could have any girl he wanted, made me feel safe. I nodded for him to open the door.
Silence filled the apartment. Stewart wasn't there. We were alone. Lee let go of my hand and went to the kitchen. While I adjusted to the unexpected circumstance he poured water into a glass, then grabbed another cup and poured water into it.
"I'd offer you something else, but I haven't been grocery shopping yet," Lee said bringing me a glass his cheeks a bit pink.
I shrugged. Did he think it mattered? Just being near him, when it wasn't because some teacher randomly assigned us seats together was more than most people would ever give me. He didn't realize it but just by holding my hand he'd given me more than I'd ever expected in life.
I wanted to hug him, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to take off all my clothes and offer myself as his slave to do with as he pleased. Lee wasn't hanging out with me because he needed answers on a test and he wasn't like all the guys who wanted to date me 'secretly' because they didn't have the guts to go against our peers. He was a million things I didn't understand and more than I would ever deserve.
I sat on the couch pretending to be normal. Pretending this wasn't overwhelming me. I sipped some of the water. Lee tickled my arm.
"Where are you from?" I asked.
Lee didn't seem to understand the question. "Here." He eyed his apartment as though that should be obvious.
"You don't speak like you're from this area." It was something that caught my attention the night before but I'd hesitated to point it out worried I might offend him.
Lee's eyes narrowed. "I grew up in Cali. How could you tell?"
I dropped my eyes and began tracing the veins in his wrist with my finger. "The cotton is missing." I glanced up worried I'd offended him.
Lee raised an eyebrow his expression curious.
"People from here speak as though there is cotton in their mouths. Do you have any siblings?" I wanted to know everything so I didn't wait.
"I might have a half-brother, but I don't really know." His eyes no longer searching mine but instead staring off into space. There was more to the story, 'more' that upset him. I waited.
"My dad, he might have another kid but he and I don't have much of a relationship." Deep pain flickered in his eyes.
I wanted to pry, I wanted to delve inside all his wounds and fill them up with 'love.' I was a complete and utter moron. What was happening to me? "And your mom?" I changed the subject because I wasn't ready to be 'that' girl.
"She's great. She raised me all by herself. I mean it wasn't perfect she dated a ton of losers when I was growing up but now she's with Howard and they're happy." He avoided looking in my eyes. He shifted uncomfortably.
The door opened. I jumped. Stewart clomped in. My instincts screamed "RUN! HIDE!" I held myself still.
"Lee, I got some friends coming over and we're gonna watch a movie." Stewart ignored me. I wasn't sure if it was because I was with his roommate or if it was because he didn't think I was worth acknowledging. "You can stay, I just wanted to give you a heads up."
Lee looked at me to decide.
"I'd rather be alone with you." As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I'd overstepped. I should have said something like 'Oh whatever you want to do,' or some other milk dud reply that indicated I didn't have a mind, a libido or was a person at all.
Lee stood and held out his hand. "We can go back to my bedroom."
My nose burned. My stomach could have qualified for the Olympics, and I placed my hand in his swallowing the sudden terror.
"We don't have to go in if you don't want," Lee said noticing my hesitance.
I took a deep breath for courage. I trusted Lee. It made no sense but the man who scared everyone else, who could have any girl he wanted, made me feel safe. I nodded for him to open the door.
Silence filled the apartment. Stewart wasn't there. We were alone. Lee let go of my hand and went to the kitchen. While I adjusted to the unexpected circumstance he poured water into a glass, then grabbed another cup and poured water into it.
I shrugged. Did he think it mattered? Just being near him, when it wasn't because some teacher randomly assigned us seats together was more than most people would ever give me. He didn't realize it but just by holding my hand he'd given me more than I'd ever expected in life.
I wanted to hug him, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to take off all my clothes and offer myself as his slave to do with as he pleased. Lee wasn't hanging out with me because he needed answers on a test and he wasn't like all the guys who wanted to date me 'secretly' because they didn't have the guts to go against our peers. He was a million things I didn't understand and more than I would ever deserve.
I sat on the couch pretending to be normal. Pretending this wasn't overwhelming me. I sipped some of the water. Lee tickled my arm.
Lee didn't seem to understand the question. "Here." He eyed his apartment as though that should be obvious.
"You don't speak like you're from this area." It was something that caught my attention the night before but I'd hesitated to point it out worried I might offend him.
Lee's eyes narrowed. "I grew up in Cali. How could you tell?"
I dropped my eyes and began tracing the veins in his wrist with my finger. "The cotton is missing." I glanced up worried I'd offended him.
Lee raised an eyebrow his expression curious.
"People from here speak as though there is cotton in their mouths. Do you have any siblings?" I wanted to know everything so I didn't wait.
"I might have a half-brother, but I don't really know." His eyes no longer searching mine but instead staring off into space. There was more to the story, 'more' that upset him. I waited.
"My dad, he might have another kid but he and I don't have much of a relationship." Deep pain flickered in his eyes.
I wanted to pry, I wanted to delve inside all his wounds and fill them up with 'love.' I was a complete and utter moron. What was happening to me? "And your mom?" I changed the subject because I wasn't ready to be 'that' girl.
"She's great. She raised me all by herself. I mean it wasn't perfect she dated a ton of losers when I was growing up but now she's with Howard and they're happy." He avoided looking in my eyes. He shifted uncomfortably.
The door opened. I jumped. Stewart clomped in. My instincts screamed "RUN! HIDE!" I held myself still.
"Lee, I got some friends coming over and we're gonna watch a movie." Stewart ignored me. I wasn't sure if it was because I was with his roommate or if it was because he didn't think I was worth acknowledging. "You can stay, I just wanted to give you a heads up."
Lee looked at me to decide.
"I'd rather be alone with you." As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I'd overstepped. I should have said something like 'Oh whatever you want to do,' or some other milk dud reply that indicated I didn't have a mind, a libido or was a person at all.
Lee stood and held out his hand. "We can go back to my bedroom."
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