Nick saved me from answering. "Let's go to your place."
"That alright with you?" Lee asked his eyes delving into mine searching for the slightest hint I was uncomfortable.
I glanced at his friends who caught up with us. It was clear no matter what I chose I had the support of three men.
Everyone waited silently for my decision. Nick shifted uncomfortably, his eyes darting between my face and Lee's. People usually listened to me, but not like this. Not with respect, not with any intention of discovering my needs or desire. "Do you have a phone I can call my mom with?" I said embarrassed at the childish request and feeling in over my head.
Since the accident, I hadn't wanted to drive. My mom's insistence was the only reason I got my license. Unlike most sixteen-year-olds, driving to me was being forced to watch a horror movie that didn't end. Heather's long dark curly hair flashes through my mind. Her broad smile and sparkling brown eyes. At least no one blamed me for her death.
Inside his jacket pocket, Lee's thumb caressed my skin. It was a little thing, the unspoken support, but it made my heart quiver. "Yeah, I got a phone you can use."
It took a while to reach Lee's apartment, but each step Lee's behavior continued tempting me to believe he was genuine. His eyes seldom left mine, even when he lit a cigarette. Every word I spoke he seemed to consider carefully. At his place, he introduced Nick and me to his roommate, Stewart.
Stewart was tall, perfect looking. He had a body sculpted by Michael Angelo. Tan skin, perfectly blue eyes and dark hair streaked by sunlight. He could have stepped out of a magazine. As he and Lee spoke, I could tell Stewart was annoyed. I wasn't sure if it was because Lee brought us back unannounced or what, but Stewart's annoyance made me want to run and hide.
Angry men no matter how beautiful were dangerous. I knew first hand the pain of flying across a room and smashing into a wall because a man was angry. Stewart glanced from Lee to me and rolled his eyes. His expression seemed to say "Another dumb bimbo falls for his lines and God this one's fucking ugly."
I glanced at the floor. Lee was a player, a ladies man. Things fell into place. It wasn't that I was special or beautiful, I was just the first girl he ran into tonight. Disconcerted by how easily I'd started believing someone could actually like me I glanced around the bare apartment. It had a couch, a love seat, a tv and that was about it. One of Lee's friends, Josh, sat on the couch, Nick followed, but his eyes kept going back to Lee.
I was now alone with five guys in an apartment. I felt too young to be here. Other than Nick and the guy from Heber, I'd barely spoken to any men my age. This felt like something the other girls did. Something I was never supposed to have. I'd been stupid to come here. I could be gang raped and left in a dumpster.
Lee seemed to sense I needed space. He went to the kitchen. "Ashley," he called.
I glanced up. In his hand was a phone. "You need to call your mom right?"
Everyone looked at me. My face heated. I didn't blush easily. Usually, just my nose turned red. I thought of myself as a Rudolph blusher. Relieved I wouldn't be dying, but still feeling like a little kid caught wetting the bed, I went into the kitchen and dialed. Lee gave me space. For which I gave a sigh of relief.
After the phone call ended I looked up to see Lee sitting on the love seat staring at me intently from across his apartment. Is that what he did to all the girls he met? I'd never realized how intoxicating it could be just to have someone look at me. I wasn't sure if that was the right word for the way it made my heart race and my stomach flip I'd never drank alcohol but in novels, it seemed to be delightful and stupid making.
In that moment I didn't care Lee was a player. I wanted one chance to experience something normal for however long it lasted.
As I came over to the group Nick got up to go sit by Lee, but Josh grabbed Nick's jacket and pulled him back. Josh left his arm around Nick, and from the way Josh was looking at Nick, it appeared Nick wasn't the only man who liked men in the apartment.
"Why don't you let the Ashley sit over there," Josh said his lips brushing Nick's ear.
I paused. If Nick didn't like Josh or maybe I'd misread things with Lee, maybe he didn't want me to sit by him, maybe I'd been presumptuous. The world spun. Lee patted the seat beside him.
Who did he want next to him? When no one moved I looked at Lee's face and his gaze zeroed in on only one person. Me.
My mom would be here soon and I didn't want to waste another second resisting the magnetic pull drawing me back to the one place I felt I belonged in this world.
While everyone else talked about movies and work Lee put his arm around me and my ears went deaf. He used his opposite arm to mesh our hands in a strange beautiful dance. Lee had long slender fingers, My hands were knobby, scarred and callused. Lee's skin was smooth and unblemished, mine was freckled and blotchy, but somehow his gestures and sensuality made the combination beautiful.
In minutes that felt like seconds his phone rang. Lee got up and answered it. After a moment he hung up. "It's your mom. She's downstairs," he said looking at me.
It was over. One night of magic and beauty and it was over. The respite was more than I deserved. Consigning myself back to the world of lepper outcast I got up gathered my stuff donning the coat I'd shed and grabbed the doorknob.
"Here," Lee's voice stopped me. He touched my back to let me know he was talking to me. I glanced into his eyes for what I thought was the last time. I glanced at his lips and wondered what they tasted like. I wanted him to kiss me.
Instead, he handed me a slip of paper.
"What's this?" I asked confused. Why did he hand me something to take to the garbage? His kitchen had a garbage.
He rolled my fingers into a fist, "It's my number."
"Oh, " I said stupidly. I stared at my rolled fingers. What was I supposed to do with his number? Did he want me to give it to someone or post it somewhere?
"Call me when you get home," he smirked as though he'd read my mind.
Now my cheeks burned. The first time ever a guy gave me his number and I'd assumed he wanted me to throw away some trash for him. I was the next level of retarded. "Ah, um, oh, oh-kay," I stumbled.
He chuckled. "Want me to walk you out?" he asked holding onto my arm as though he sensed my sudden need to bolt.
"No, ah bye," I said pulling open the door and racing out.
"Call me," he said catching the door before I slammed it in his face.
I nodded quickly and stumbled down the stairs before he could change his mind.
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