Of Friends and Foes

Ever had someone quit a friendship with you? Did you ever not want that friendship to end?

It's easy to get selfish in friendship and take friends for granted. I know I have. Did you ever want to fix things?

Being on the side of walking away from a few people today, mostly because with what is going on with my sister I just can't give anymore I've been sucked dry I had to let go, but that doesn't mean things had to be over, things just had to change.

But if someone is to the point of quitting a relationship platonic or not with you, how do you change their mind?

I can only tell you what would work with me at this point in these relationships.

First, I'll share with you what happened and then what could have been different.

Me: Hey I want you to know I wish you the best, but I think it's best to cut contact. As my sister is in the ICU and you've shown a lack of concern for me, I think it's best if I invest my time and friendship elsewhere. Good luck in life I wish you well.

His response: So you blocked me? I didn't even know anything was going on with your sister. I haven't even been on fb to see your posts. I've been dealing with drama from my ex.

Me: I'm sorry you're dealing with drama but it isn't just this week and what is going on with my sister. Have a good life.

Him: Ok then

So let's say you get the first message from me and you know I'm someone who hangs on until you've snapped every last thread with me, how could you change the outcome of this scenario?

First, acknowledge the other person's pain: I'm so sorry I've hurt you so much you feel like this is what you need to do. Is there anything I can do to change your mind? How can I be a better friend to you?

This opens the door to a real conversation about what is wrong in the relationship. Instead of making excuses and being defensive you're showing real concern for your friend and the relationship.

If you make it about you when a person you care about is sucked dry... they really don't have much of a reason to hold onto the relationship with you, do they?

Here's the other scenario that happened, I decided to just block someone without a goodbye or a head's up.

This person has known for some time he hasn't been a good friend but hasn't worked on doing better. He has my number if he wants to text he can but truthfully I doubt he will notice I've cut ties for a few months.

So how do you approach a situation like this? First NOTICE!!!

If he were to text me, I'd want it to be sooner rather than later.

Ideally, the conversation would go something like this,

Him: Did you delete your facebook account?

Me: No, I just blocked you.

Him: Wow, I didn't realize I hurt you so much you felt you needed to do that. Can I make it up to you? Can we fix this?

The truth is until you ask point-blank what needs to be done you will never know.

I could have of course gone on a rant with both of these people on the myriad of reasons I chose to cut ties. I didn't because it didn't feel like I mattered enough to either of them for them to even care how they hurt me or for them to try and change their behaviors.

Also, no one wants to feel emotionally attacked or have their failures pointed out unless there is something more important at stake than their ego.

I've learned it doesn't work to just bring up what a person is doing wrong unless the person actually cares to know.

Change can only happen in relationships when we open ourselves to what we've done wrong. Admittedly maybe I was too hasty in walking away, maybe I could have tried harder but under the current stress I broke a little bit and had to protect my energy.

Below are some links to books I found useful in having meaningful conversations and better relationships! You'll be amazed at how these insights can change your life! Lot's of love!

A Parent's Nightmare

It was supposed to be an ordinary day, but a feeling something was going to go horribly wrong kept me awake the night before. I waited six months, because the first time they mentioned the routine procedure and the risks I knew my daughter was going to end up dead, or brain damaged. I thought I'd waited long enough. After six months I believed things would be ok. I told myself to relax and stop being paranoid. I shouldn't have. The anesthesiologist with tears in his eyes told me, "I'm not going to lie, she's not doing good. This is the worst day of my career." He was thinking of his career while my little girl was fighting for her life!? He felt bad so I said simply, "I know you tried your best," wondering if my happy sweet little girl would ever smile at me again. There was no point in making a scene. It wouldn't save her. It might kill her. I had to step back and breathe. I needed to focus on giving her all the love a

A Girl Can Dream, Right?

Preparing for the cruise, a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation courses through my veins. Amidst sapphire waves and ocean skies, I'm eager to meet with my teammates, especially one sexy beast I've been mentoring late at night, a little too often. A single man secure enough in his masculinity to be sponsored by a woman he'd never met, it was more likely I'd win the lottery but it happened! Men that secure, are as rare as a million dollars popping out of thin air! Finding one man who would just listen to my dream let alone believe in it and share it, up until him has been impossible... yeah I'm ready to go past first base and then some! As I finish packing, I can't help but indulge in a few tantalizing semi erotic fantasies. From our first conversation, strategizing his path to success, I was completely intoxicated by him. After months of working together, I'm still feeling an undeniable connection that has nothing to do with business. His confidence

Dreaming of Death

I dreamed I died, my usable organs were donated, and the rest of me was fed to the birds. I requested before I died, those who received my organs would gather once a year to celebrate my daughter's birthday. I dreamed pieces of my flesh were sent out to wildlife sanctuaries around the world. I dreamed each year, I could see my daughter with my eyes and she could feel my love surrounding her. I dreamed I soared with eagles, dove into the sea with the ospreys, and traveled the world in ecstasy. Gradually, I felt myself fading away into the darkness. My daughter's birthday came again. I lived in her smile and warmth. Like a brilliant sun, she brought life back to the surface. My essence swirled around her, through her. She became my home. I lived in her joy, in her peace I rested. Trees grew from the soil marked with remnants of my flesh, I felt the sun on their leaves, and I felt the cool rich soil bathing their roots. I felt myself in rivers flowing free and wild, splashing

Ashley Needles

Search This Blog