"Sometimes I want to cry because of the terrible beauty of the world. So stark and poignant, when I dare to look, my heart begs me to close my eyes and my mind forces amazement into mundane." -Ashley's journal When I'm sad, like a wounded animal I shy away from others and only let Sam, M, my mom, the occasional girlfriend I've been hanging out with and the guy I'm dating close. Hurting reined in and broken. Strong noble friends surround me. I seek fire and closeness with one. Until it becomes too much and I am again alone. As a single teen, I would medicate sorrow and depression with dating. As a single adult, there's too much pressure, crazies and ghosts of bad experiences for it to be an effective therapy. I have so many wonderful online friends who are willing and wanting me to talk their ears off, and I wish I could let down my walls and trust that who I am won't be a disappointment compared to the expect...
Do your best, take it day by day.