Ashley Needles

Here's what I've learned over the last few years from trying to make things make sense again. Often addicts are trying to fill up a hole in their "soul." They try to fill it with food or drugs or exercise or other people. This need can create both good or bad habits. It can lead to greatness or destruction. Sometimes both. It's an interesting paradigm. Narcissists are also typically addicts. They are addicted to praise and feeling special. The reason is usually the narcissist feels incredibly lonely and is in deep pain. Like drug addicts, they will do just about anything to get their fix. Hurt loved ones, lie, have affairs, make millions, whatever it takes. This is why narcissists often turn to drugs or create delusions of grandeur. The most difficult time for a narcissist or a drug addict is the comedown, the crash. This is when the narcissist is most vulnerable to psychotic breaks or picking up new addictions. The desperate need to feel special wil...

It was March, a week after Art's death. Each breath since it happened felt as though my ribs were breaking my chest, the loss so enormous it was a black hole crushing me alive. He saw my sad eyes, grabbed my wrist and pulled me back when I tried to walk away. "What's wrong?" He asked. "Art's dead." The words hung sucking away the air between us. Every part of me wished to be swallowed by the earth. Dying could not be as terrible as this. "Let me help," it wasn't a question. It was a demand. "I've interned with grief counseling." We made plans. I pasted on a smile and make-up and went to pick him up. A glimmer of excitement for the ounce of relief he offered from the pain ripping me apart, was the first touch of anything but torment I'd felt since Laura gave me the news. He got in my truck with a bad mood that was closer to a hurricane than a storm cloud. I tried to compensate. I wanted so desperately for one pe...