Ashley Needles

Author's Note: *From here forward what you will be reading will be both fact and fiction. While before only some details were slightly off most things were quite accurate. Unfortunately, alone, without a memory trigger, I cannot remember clearly the exact unfolding of events. I held onto Lee memorizing the feel of his arms around me and drowned in the dark spicy scent of him. Eternity could pass and I would have been content to remain just like this. A brown low riding car with a tan top pulled into the drive. Lee withdrew stepping forward protectively. He eyed the vehicle like a threat. Chelle came out, the screen door banging behind her. Her eyes passed over Lee and for a moment her face brightened with some thought or emotion. I glanced back to the car and noticed the knife in Lee's hand. To anyone else the small lip of metal that protruded from his palm would have been insignificant. Lee had naturally hidden the rest of the encasement beneath the sl...

Love was stupid. Love was a delusion of deranged people, used to excuse the most heinous behaviors. Besides even if love did exist, Lee would never love someone as silly and plain as I was. I was a blank slate. My only flair was my hips. "Ignore the mess, it's just where we hide the bodies." Chelle's eyes danced with wit. To her, her home wasn't a can of sewage spoiling in the sun, it was normal. She was comfortable. Lee chuckled and Chelle emerged from her cocoon gleaming. "What do you like to do for fun?" Lee's hand stroked the curve of my side, his fingers dipped into the waist of my pants. 'Sex,' his body stated but his lips said, "Read mostly." Lee's eyes caressed my face, neck, and traveled down to my pelvis. What exactly did he mean by that? Was I an open book to him? We still hadn't talked about Senecca, about the rumors. "What do you like to read?" Even as I asked, Chelle's eyes narrowed...

Lee played with my hair. My skin tingled. There was something in his posture that was protective and in his eyes a question. Should I have kissed him? "We were heading to Chelle's house." I left it open. I didn't want Lee to see where Chelle lived but disinviting him wouldn't have been kind either. We could go to the library but would Lee be comfortable there? What other places were there? Chelle didn't wait. "Want to come?" She piped in. "Sure," Lee said, his soft gaze wrapping me in a warm blanket. Too quickly the emotional security disappeared. Even with Lee's hand holding mine, with each step closer to the dump Chelle called home I cringed a little more. What would Lee think of the rickety steps, the cheap trailer, the mountains of moldy dishes, the overwhelming stench of cat urine and old cigarettes? His apartment was bare of clutter and I didn't know if it was because he was fastidious or because he had little to c...

In the commons, Chelle spotted me. "Hey, figment of my imagination." The dark cloud that hung over her this morning vanished. Whatever it was couldn't have been too terrible if it only took seven classes of mental torture to get it to dissipate. "Hey, imaginary friend!" I grinned, relief washing away twenty pounds of worry. "What are you doing?" "My parents are working so we can hang out if you want." Chelle's parents hated me more than I detested them. Standing up to parents for treating their daughter like trash doesn't win brownie points for some reason. I still remember her dad's fist raising as if he were about to hit me. In that moment I wanted him to do it. If he had two things would have happened. He would have gone to jail for assaulting a minor and when he got out my dad would have either killed him or made him wish for death. My dad was a bit notorious for being a bald-headed bad ass. He'd threatened the l...

That night searching through a swirling mist ridden darkness, crying out his name, fear wrapped icy hands around my heart. Waking, uneasiness churned and the temptation to call, see if he was okay nearly overwhelmed me. Instead of embarrassing myself though, I was quick to get to school. Bare hallways had yet to come alive. A few students haunted the commons, the sound of their footsteps echoed. Each pretended the others didn't exist. A baffling behavior. Humans, social creatures, meant being alone in high school flashed a neon sign of 'There is something wrong with you,' in giant letters over your head. The lack of exchanged pleasantries and avoidance of eye contact would have been humorous if it weren't so sad. Afraid to say, "Hi," afraid of rejection or of stepping outside the lines, I smiled at each of them and watched as one by one they scampered away as though my smile were anthrax.  A bus arrived. The loners looked up, hoping for frien...

Nerves burned beneath my skin. A desperate need to get closer to him squeezed my belly. I would implode if the space between our bodies continued. I slid my hand over his chest beneath his jacket. Something heavy and hard weighed it down. Curious my fingers found the opening of the inner pocket. I looked into his eyes, silently asking permission to invade the secret compartment. He gave a slight nod.  My hand hesitantly crept inside giving him plenty of time to change his mind. He didn't move just waited.  Grabbing onto a hard thick shaft I pulled it out. Eight inches long, the switchblade sat in my palm the light reflecting the memory of Kwani's pale face and the frightened look of the name caller. "Have you killed someone?" The question escaped my lips before I could stop it. Lee took both my hands in his, his eyes searched my face looking for judgment or fear, but both were missing.  Logic told me I should be afraid or disgusted, but the hu...

As I readied for the hell called high school excitement jumped through my veins. He wanted to see me. Despite the inevitable fallout, I agreed. Should I tell Chelle about him? I didn't know. Maybe, until I understood what was going on, I should keep it to myself. He probably had a girlfriend. I'd likely interpreted everything wrong. He was just a 'friend' just an acquaintance. Still, I danced on the path to the front door, flew through the halls. Lessons seemed like kindergarten stuff. My giddiness was contagious. Even the vipers half nodded and smiled as I passed on my way to meet Chelle and Debbie in the library. "Hey fuck face," a guy called as another stuck out his foot to trip me, and a girl pushed from behind. This was an overplayed trick. I'd long since learned to step high, rebalance and pretend nothing happened. As I did, a jock grabbed the name caller, pulled him down, whispered something in his ear. The guy who called me 'fuc...