Ashley Needles

In today's world, people live three times longer than in the middle ages, not surprisingly this means the average person has three marriages. The average length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is eight years. Two years of that is typically spent in the agony of questioning whether or not to leave. There are those fantastic exceptions, of course, those lifelong romances so many of us aspire to, but is that realistic? Is it healthy? Would it be better if instead of saying "Til death do us part," if we gave more pragmatic and achievable commitments? What if we made monogamously committed partnerships that lasted five or six years at a time with a one year period to decide if we wanted to continue through the next several years with that same person and follow through with the contract? Maybe there is something harshly jaded in this thinking but personally, I love variety. I've dated a plethora of people and found priceless treasures in each and every

I've been a victim. I am a victor. The course of my life is determined by who I choose to be each day. I do not let the circumstances of the present or past dictate my future or how I feel about myself. I choose to believe in what is beautiful. I choose to believe the best of the world and those I meet. Greatness comes from seemingly small consistent daily actions. Happiness is a sacred strength of spirit. It requires both a sword and a shield. Happiness is gained through what we give to this world without expectation of return. Happiness is protected by protecting ourselves from those who would destroy it, destroy us, or deny us our power to have it; we must cut them from our lives. We must shield our happiness by focusing on those who do good to us and others. Gratitude sustains internal joy. Entitlement destroys all that is good. Expectations of others are daggers we stab into our hearts. Unconditional acceptance of ourselves in every moment heals

We create with each thought the life we live. It is far too easy to focus on the betrayals, the slights, and the losses that rip our guts out. I recently talked to someone dead set on the belief he was alone in life and everyone would leave him. His pain shot through my soul leaving fifteen gaping bullet holes. One for each person he lost in a single year. I wanted to take his burning agony and set him free but he clung to it like a tired toddler with a blanket in a tantrum. There was no reasoning with him. He pushed all comfort away with vicious determination. He was blind even to the possibility his thinking was negative. With such a magnitude of loss, it makes sense he would see things in such a harsh light, but freedom, joy, and change lay in questioning the reality with which we are presented. It isn't easy to do that though. In order to survive we've been built to avoid the things which cause us pain, and for him, pain stems from connection, from anchoring hi