Ashley Needles

We create with each thought the life we live. It is far too easy to focus on the betrayals, the slights, and the losses that rip our guts out. I recently talked to someone dead set on the belief he was alone in life and everyone would leave him. His pain shot through my soul leaving fifteen gaping bullet holes. One for each person he lost in a single year. I wanted to take his burning agony and set him free but he clung to it like a tired toddler with a blanket in a tantrum. There was no reasoning with him. He pushed all comfort away with vicious determination. He was blind even to the possibility his thinking was negative. With such a magnitude of loss, it makes sense he would see things in such a harsh light, but freedom, joy, and change lay in questioning the reality with which we are presented. It isn't easy to do that though. In order to survive we've been built to avoid the things which cause us pain, and for him, pain stems from connection, from anchoring hi...

In the commons, Chelle spotted me. "Hey, figment of my imagination." The dark cloud that hung over her this morning vanished. Whatever it was couldn't have been too terrible if it only took seven classes of mental torture to get it to dissipate. "Hey, imaginary friend!" I grinned, relief washing away twenty pounds of worry. "What are you doing?" "My parents are working so we can hang out if you want." Chelle's parents hated me more than I detested them. Standing up to parents for treating their daughter like trash doesn't win brownie points for some reason. I still remember her dad's fist raising as if he were about to hit me. In that moment I wanted him to do it. If he had two things would have happened. He would have gone to jail for assaulting a minor and when he got out my dad would have either killed him or made him wish for death. My dad was a bit notorious for being a bald-headed bad ass. He'd threatened the l...

The door loomed. By going through it, what was I agreeing to? "We don't have to go in if you don't want," Lee said noticing my hesitance. I took a deep breath for courage. I trusted Lee. It made no sense but the man who scared everyone else, who could have any girl he wanted, made me feel safe. I nodded for him to open the door. Silence filled the apartment. Stewart wasn't there. We were alone. Lee let go of my hand and went to the kitchen. While I adjusted to the unexpected circumstance he poured water into a glass, then grabbed another cup and poured water into it. "I'd offer you something else, but I haven't been grocery shopping yet," Lee said bringing me a glass his cheeks a bit pink. I shrugged. Did he think it mattered? Just being near him, when it wasn't because some teacher randomly assigned us seats together was more than most people would ever give me. He didn't realize it but just by holding my hand he'd...