Ashley Needles

I have an addiction to emotionally distant men. I won't go into the childhood conditioning that created this conundrum, but the symptoms are extreme highs and angry lows with bouts of insanity.  At first emotional withdrawal makes me try harder, fall faster. Then when the bids for attention and effort go unreciprocated, excessive anger and resentment surface. I try to control it but the harder I try the more insane I feel. Eventually, I find myself, the most loathsome of creatures and end things because the self-hatred I come to feel is unendurable. Relationships are supposed to be happy things, make life better. For me though that only happens when there is a perfect balance of emotional distancing and intimacy. Too much intimacy and I pull away. Inside I have a switch that turns off my emotions when my partner is too intense, clingy, or emotional. I also have an insane button that gets pressed when my partner is too distant or unemotional. The perfect balance has on rare...