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What to do when meeting an ex's new flame

Start with "Hi, it's nice to meet you." 

I know some of you out there probably want to get out the gasoline and a lit match but that isn't going to help you. 

People are allowed to move on. 

Warning: This isn't an outline about how to get an ex back, this is just basic human decency which seems to be lacking in the world these days. 

I've met a few new flames of people I was still in love with and though it felt like my chest was being carved up by a knife, I sucked it up and said, "I'm so glad he/she found you." 

Why? Because when you love someone it means doing your best to support their happiness even if it means them being with someone else! 

I've talked up my exes, highlighting my favorite qualities to the new Paramore in their life. I also find things to like about them being a couple. 

Typically the new person will ask why you're glad that your ex found them. The answer, "because you make (insert name of ex) so happy. 

That's it, simple, then you move on, you might ask how they met or how long they've been together if you want to go the extra mile of supportive or just satisfy that twisted need we all have to torture ourselves in some way, and who knows that might be yours... 

I know it's mine, lol.


Once you start getting to know the person outside of seeing them as the what that you were replaced with, it can truly help you move on. 

You can actually become friends with them. Sometimes I've ended up liking the new flame more than the ex and gained great friendships that outlived the 'new' relationship. 

So to completely narc on myself, I once took out an ex and his new flame to a fancy dinner blowing over $200 on the night. At the time I couldn't really afford it but it was worth it to know he was going to be okay and truly loved by a wonderful woman.  



Here's the other side of all this though, the new gf or bf may not be that great and you will be able to see through it better than your ex. If you notice things that you see as red flags, it's okay to bring these concerns up to your ex later on the phone or alone if you have that type of friendship. 

Don't go full blown list of every tiny criticism but just mention the things that are important and can indicate an abusiveness or mental instability. 

Do it in a way that shows your ex you still care and do your best to also point out what you liked while you're at it because your ex deserves a balanced view. 

And always remember when your heart is broken:

  
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