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WHY YOU'RE SINGLE! (What no one has the guts to tell you)

So there are a lot of possible reasons you might be single. Most likely it's because you need a great therapist.  I know I do! But maybe just maybe it's something else. Something no one is telling you.

Nearly two years ago I went out with a guy who had a fascinating stable job, he was funny, smart, a great listener, he had lean muscles, sparkling blue eyes, a jawline you could cut gems with.


He kissed me and instead of fireworks I could almost hear a toilet exploding. His breath, the taste of his mouth was that bad. I politely offered him a mint and when he refused I got blunt. VERY BLUNT.

         

He accepted the mint and kissed me again. The mint didn't help. It was awful. His tongue was like a brown log being pushed into my mouth. I pulled away again. When he kept trying to kiss me after that and after I explained my problem I started to feel assaulted. If he hadn't been so overly forceful I might have gone out with him again after getting him some special mouthwash. Very special mouthwash. Maybe a ton of mouth wash!

       

It wasn't just him either. I worked at a job with a boss who was great except every time he opened his mouth it was like walking into an overused and never cleaned outhouse. I learned very quickly to take two steps back before asking him a question!

Bad breath though may not be your only problem.

As a teenager, I ran into a lot of guys who didn't understand their ears weren't just for listening to a woman jabber on to get her into bed but that ears are also a major erogenous zone.

I've always done the terrible thing of using Q tips to get in and get the wax out. I know any ear doctor would give me an hour and a half rant about why it's a terrible idea, but moms outrank doctors by five stripes, ten stars, six armies and seven platoons. (I mix metaphors and have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to military speak so don't quote me.)

But if you don't want to get into trouble with your doctor, mother, or the United States Health department and in case you also don't want to break the tender membrane and lose all hearing you may not want to follow my horrific example.

Why are ears so important? I like to whisper naughty words letting my hot breath tantalize sensitive curves. I like to kiss, then suck and lightly nibble on the outer rings and then when my victim is grabbing me moaning with the agony of restraint I like to dive in and make him lose all control, swirling my tongue into his ear until his body shakes with need.

Unfortunately, too many guys have absolutely disgusting ears. Ear hair, ear wax (in case you don't know tastes gross!) flaky skin... yuck, ew, and uuch!!!

This is a problem for me and I can't be the only one!

      

Anyway, it's definitely a problem many people aren't aware of, but we still aren't done. What other horrors are out there lurking in the dating world? What other faux pas might you be making with hygiene that could wreck your game and call foul on every shot you take with your desired target crush?

She leans in only to spot little white confetti. Lice? Flea eggs? Nope, beard dandruff. Some guys shave, some guys don't, but every guy needs to moisturize.

Women get propaganda handed to them on every network on how to make their skin look young but you guys... you're out of the loop.

      

And there's one more thing just for you sexy man-beasts out there... She's into you things get hot, clothes start to disappear. She makes her way down, but something goes terribly wrong. She stops. She's no longer in the mood. She's looking for her keys... or he is whatever your preference...

      


As for women, we are far more sensitive in that area... the best thing for us is surprisingly plain yogurt. I know no pretty pictures... but seriously girls time to get to it! Maybe jazz it up a little!

     

Finally ready to have someone want you, not be able to keep their hands and mouth off you? You've cleaned up, dressed up, now what?

How do you catch that special someone's eye or get everyone falling at your feet?
The magic secret that got me tons of tips waitressing and more. A secret that can help anyone's natural chemistry go from a five to a  ten.

The Scent UP! Let modern science make you a magnet of attraction and get you an A in chemistry!



Thanks for reading I wish all of you luck in getting lucky!

Meanwhile, I will work on getting that therapy! ;)

BTW dear blog readers and commentators I can't comment back (some tech problem I haven't figured out) but I want you to know I appreciate you!



Comments

  1. Still the same old Ashley I met years ago! I'd ask how you are doing, but I know you wouldn't respond because it's me!

    ReplyDelete

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