Ashley Needles

I miss being someone's encourager. I miss cooking for someone after that someone had a long day. I miss being the anchor and rock that gets to listen and lift the weight off shoulders that were strained by it. I'm living my life and I'm happy. I just want to wish someone good luck and have a nice day and remind someone how great and wonderful they are. Those are the things burning inside me to get out and find a release. I want to hold someone and just be there when that person needs it. I want to watch another's favorite movie and see their smile as a favorite part is about to happen. I'm bad at so many things in relationships. Bad at putting on rose-colored glasses and believing that a relationship is the one that is going to last. Especially when that person is the one I want to be with for forever. It scares me too much to believe something truly wonderful will last. I over-analyze my partner...

I dream of being a best selling author, a screenwriter with a hit tv show, I dream of building businesses that supply great products from gluten-free foods to futuristic robot bodyguards. I don't know if I can do any of it. I don't know what's possible but I'll never know if I don't try. So I'm trying, getting better, making mistakes and learning along the way. Occasionally something happens though that makes me think it's not just possible but probable. One thing I do when I'm sick, bored or just need inspiration is watch TV and recently I've seen some terrible television. Writing so bad it makes me think not only can I make it but I can do better than what's already out there. The first time I felt this way was when I watched  "Gilmore Girls: "A Year in the Life,"" and realized my spec script was better than it by a million which isn't hard to do as compared to the original show this follow up was terrible and no...

My laptop is giving out, freezing up and having all sorts of malfunctions. She's an old girl in the life of tech. At six years she's practically an antique. So I'm looking into getting a new gadget. Laptop or desktop? Those used to be the only two choices. The first is portable and convenient but not very powerful unless you're willing to spend a LOT of money. The second is cumbersome and you can't really use it to watch movies in bed very well... Or can you? With developments like "all in ones" and bluetooth keyboards possibilities have opened up. But this isn't just about watching my favorite shows, with the winter months coming I like to stay curled up under the covers for as long as possible, but UGH work?! If you're like me you probably have an income source that allows you to work from home some of the time or perhaps even all the time. Work means you need more than just a good dictionary to set your "all-in-one"...

Is it faith or delusional to believe things are going to be okay? We all go through hard times. Most of us have tragedies we try to make sense of. Sometimes things don't make sense and sometimes things don't turn out okay. I once believed that every terrible thing I went through with a determined goodness of character would someday be rewarded or compensated.  It was a coping mechanism. As a child, I believed the sexual and physical abuse I endured would be rewarded with an incredible soul mate. I was highly aware of the terrible marriage between my parents and knew not everyone got the fairytale happily ever after in life. I believed wholeheartedly I would though. But things didn't quite turn out that way. (For those of you who don't already know: abusive marriage and etc.) Still, I was excited when I turned thirty-five. I thought now bad things were over because I would no longer be in the prime age range for sexual assaults. Unfortunately, I was again di...

Why would anyone deliberately provoke a known abuser? Well, he wanted to talk and after six years of trying to get a divorce I wanted to know if that was a healthy productive option, so I gave some helpful advice that the person I once knew would respond to with extreme rage because it brought up not so great actions on his part. Here's what I said that began the onslaught of email abuse: "If you want to save your relationship with P. whom you committed bigamy for, then trying to speak to me is a bad idea." I meant: "obviously you love her enough to commit an international felony so please stop asking me to talk so you can save that relationship," but I stated it in a way that didn't romanticize the facts. I was sincerely trying to be helpful but I also wanted to know if talking to this person would be healthy or not at this point. With an abuser, anything can set them off. Was he still an abuser? I needed to know. By doin...

I was assaulted at 12:46 this morning. I had to claw a guy's face I'd just met because he grabbed me and tried to force me to kiss him. I made a facebook post about it... this is in response to some of the comments. It was going to be a facebook post but it got long and growly so copy paste and blog Ta-da! After it happened I called M, he listened while I cried and ranted. I'm talked out now... but thank you to those that offered to listen you're awesome! I will be better after some sleep. I'm blessed that so many of you want to be there for me and I know that me not letting you be there hurts our friendship. It's instinct to turn to M. He's been my rock through so much so many will never understand. He's the one who knows what to say and do to make everything better... sometimes just hearing his voice is all I need. I can't talk about so much with all of you... for my safety I've had to be private about certain details. A...

So there are a lot of possible reasons you might be single. Most likely it's because you need a great therapist.  I know I do! But maybe just maybe it's something else. Something no one is telling you. Nearly two years ago I went out with a guy who had a fascinating stable job, he was funny, smart, a great listener, he had lean muscles, sparkling blue eyes, a jawline you could cut gems with. He kissed me and instead of fireworks I could almost hear a toilet exploding. His breath, the taste of his mouth was that bad. I politely offered him a mint and when he refused I got blunt. VERY BLUNT.            He accepted the mint and kissed me again. The mint didn't help. It was awful. His tongue was like a brown log being pushed into my mouth. I pulled away again. When he kept trying to kiss me after that and after I explained my problem I started to feel assaulted. If he hadn't been so overly forceful I might have gone out with him aga...