Messages, Meditation, and Dreams

I was in a quaint little store buying things for my business when outside a giant foot stomped down. I ran out wondering what was going on and rushed to take my packages where they needed to go but block by block building after building fell as the giant knocked down structures barricading each path I tried to go down.

Just before I woke up the path became clear and a shining palace with beautiful gardens lay directly ahead of me. I hadn't seen it before because the view was blocked by the sky rises that were now flattened.

The message was clear, the dreams I'd been trying to build and do weren't quite right but I was on a path and being herded toward something better, something right.

It was the day after this dream that Amazon pulled my commissions and I realized I needed a new way to monetize my blog.

I still haven't figured out what that is yet.

Today I was surrounded and swallowed up by love. People always go off about the downsides of social media but for me, it's been a wealth of information, support, encouragement, motivation, and love.

I felt an incredible presence around me all day, not just from messages but beside me as I ate, did dishes and responded to people.

At one point, I was thinking about my failures in my marriage and wishing I'd been a different better person.

During my marriage, I was lazy, zombie-like even, it bugged me then and has continued to pester me. Tonight as I walked across the kitchen making food, a voice came to me.

(As an atheist/agnostic, I'm really not a fan of the whole hearing voices but auditory hallucinations are something I've had off and on as far back as I can remember. I guess the condition is called paracusia.)

Forever I'd been assuming the reason I had no energy in my marriage was because of the chemo and well, toxicity of the relationship.

"I took your energy from you," the voice said. I jumped a little. I mean it isn't often that it sounds like someone is speaking right in my ear when I'm alone in my kitchen.

"What?" I asked befuddled.

The voice chuckled and sighed apologetically, "I took your energy from you in your marriage."

Now I was irritated. "You did what?"

I swear I could feel eyes roll and soft snort.

"I mean, uh, why? Why would you do that?" So while I"m not a fan of hearing voices, I'm still going to hear the person or thought out. It does tend to be useful whether it is my unconscious mind being overly active helping me solve problems or some divine being I don't know I just know this voice tends to make a lot of sense.

Anyway, the voice went quiet for several hours until I was getting ready to go to bed. "Go and write. Now."

I'd just stuck the toothpaste on the toothbrush and was sticking it in my mouth, "I'm in the middle of brushing my teeth do you mind?"

"Hurry," the voice said.

"You can wait a few minutes," I argued beginning to feel insane for disagreeing with my imaginary friend.

"So here we are I've written down everything you needed me to write so how do you want me to end this? What is the point of this whole blog? I'm confused. It isn't like you to tell me to do something and then not follow through."

"I took your energy from you because your marriage was in the way of where you meant to go and I needed it to fail so you could be free to follow the path I set out for you."

"Well my goodness, you're doing a bang-up job. I have no idea where my life is going! It's a mess right now!" Yes sometimes I complain to the voice and talk to it in ways I wouldn't normally talk to anyone.

"I know it might seem that way now, but" and then my mind fills with images from my dream with the giant, except this time I rise up and gain an aerial view of everything. The palace with its beautiful gardens, the city and my smaller than an ant little tiny form in the midst of it, made almost completely invisible and insignificant except for the love exuding from the entity who is sharing its experience with me.

I am loved by this being full of light. I may not know the way, I may be a complete and total mess but I am loved and cared about.

"And so are you." The entity adds to you my readers, "No matter how much of a mess you may think you are, or how insignificant you may feel, you are loved."

So I'm not on drugs... but I hallucinate anyway... maybe I should get my head examined. (LOL.) I hope you enjoyed reading my umm...  Its blog. I'm going to try and get some sleep, but it is right. Sometimes things don't work out the way we want or plan and it's usually because we're heading in the wrong direction or going at something from the wrong angle. It doesn't mean we should give up it just means there is more to learn and we need to broaden our vision!

Have a great day!