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Frustrations with Dating

There are those couples that get together in high school and stay together for life.

Somedays I feel like I'm too jaded now. When I was a teen and dating I didn't think about the flaws or the problems with another person I was just so grateful someone was even interested in me. Now... I don't fall so much as dip my toe in and it's beginning to feel like the time for love in my life has passed. I love being single though so it isn't a bad thing.


It just doesn't make sense. Many people get together much later than this... so why do I feel like it's too late for me? Have I become cynical? Incapable of loving someone else? Part of me believes I have. I think that's partly why I've been sabotaging my relationships.

I'm a little frustrated with myself today. I want to be doe-eyed and see people the way I once did. I can't go back though and if I had the choice I wouldn't. It took a lot of pain for me to get here.

Perhaps I'm overly cautious and analytical. I don't know. I just know this time I want something that isn't just being grateful for their interest but with reciprocity and passion.

I no longer want to try and mold myself into some guy's dream girl. I want someone who will accept my flaws, support my dreams and who has goals of his own, who communicates with gentleness and patience or I'd rather be alone.

At this moment I'm my top priority and any guy who doesn't treat me like his after a few months of dating I just give up on having a relationship with.

I know it's a little selfish to be so focused on what he is contributing but I try to contribute just as much and often more and I'm burned out. I've also noticed men don't appreciate a woman giving in the initial stages of relationships. I hate that. I hate hiding my nature.

I enjoy cooking for others. I enjoy buying gifts more than getting gifts. Yet these things scare men off. I like texting each other in the middle of the day expressing hunger for each other. Unfortunately dating in my thirties "The Rules" haven't changed.

I feel like I'm dating in the dark ages where I still don't get a vote. I still don't get to be the one to ask a guy out or take initiative, or set the pace. When I try to, men pull away and I feel angry.
"Why are you so scared? Just because I know what I want and go after it doesn't make you any less of a man," I scream into the void.

Comments

  1. Lorraine POctober 10, 2016 at 5:54 PM

    I've been where you are. There is someone in this world that is just right for you. You will meet him one day <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashley NeedlesOctober 10, 2016 at 8:56 PM

      Maybe, or maybe my many short loves make up for a lifelong one. I don't know. Either way I'm choosing to be happy. Thank you though for the shot of optimism.

      Delete

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