Clouds Over Paradise: A Dilemma Of Hotness.

My brain got smashed to bits when a guy sent me a hot as hell sexy photo of himself sans shirt. Unfortunately for him, me writing is not the best workout and my belly looks more like a marshmallow than victoria's secret.

Do I really want to go see this guy? Or rather do I really want him to see me in all my frumpy working at a computer all day glory?

If I start working out two hours a day now I can definitely have a lingerie bod in a couple weeks but can I really afford the time away from writing when I'm already overwhelmed with other demands on my time?

Recap I met him years ago when nothing could happen between us because I was unhappily MARRIED, besides that he was so gorgeous and great with people I assumed automatically even if I was single he was a hundred thousand light-years out of my league.

Astonishingly enough we stayed friends despite me turning into a complete and utter moron around him no matter how married I was. Can I just say I hated that? I hated having a crush. I hated myself for even thinking about other men but no matter how much self-loathing I had it didn't stop me from losing my mind every time I watched his tan hands covered in dirt with long fingers grab a glass of water when he was covered in sweat with his shirt off.

Biblical verses came to my mind about cutting out my eyes to avoid my sin. Verses I always expected were meant quite literally and I did spend some time contemplating carving out my eyes with the sharpest knife in the kitchen. Luckily he soon finished the work and was gone from sight.

I friended him on facebook but we didn't talk. He was just a really cool person who I wanted to have a great life.

Now years later when I'm free to lust to my lascivious mind's content, I sent him a message and discovered to my shock and complete awe the attraction was mutual. So much so he wants to meet again in person...

Only one big problem I'm terrified. While the prospect of being able to act on all the once forbidden desires fills me with glee, the prospect of NOW when my life is not exactly together and I still have the emotional baggage it would take a freight train to haul... Well, let's just say I'm dreaming about my ceiling caving in and crushing me to death slowly and in detail. Hours of barely being able to breathe while my blood pools around me becoming sticky and itchy while I can't get free... It's kind of obvious even the prospect of him flying out to see me is crazy making.

How do people do this? How do people "get back on the horse" as it were with dating and relationships? I've tried and so far it's been the part of the rodeo where the rider gets thrown off or jumps off to keep from being crushed by a thousand pounds of pure animal instinct.

This guy... he's a good guy, I'd even go so far as to say a wonderful one and all I can think is "Dammit! Why now? Why haven't I gotten my shit together already? Why can't I be ready?" It's Mr. Prince Totally Charming and I'm over here with my shattered glass slippers, the shards in my feet and I need to get my bloody feet home before midnight or he's going to find out I'm just a pumpkin with nothing but mice and rabies to offer a relationship.

Right now I should just be worried about getting my life together and not some guy no matter how stunningly gorgeous, kind, patient, easy going, funny, multilingual and talented.

But in the back of my head drowning out all my reasoning and logic is a voice screaming "Now or Never!" Because let's face it the fact he is single for even a split second is pretty much a freaking miracle.

While I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, there are also once in a lifetime opportunities and there are so many times when I've let fear get in the way of my happiness.

Sometimes I think about the men I never let myself be with because of fear who are married happily or miserably now and I wonder "what if" and a sting of regret lances my heart with a pang. I don't need another regret piercing my wounded heart.

The chances are I'm going to screw it up but there's also a chance it could be something worth breaking my heart for.

A Parent's Nightmare

It was supposed to be an ordinary day, but a feeling something was going to go horribly wrong kept me awake the night before. I waited six months, because the first time they mentioned the routine procedure and the risks I knew my daughter was going to end up dead, or brain damaged. I thought I'd waited long enough. After six months I believed things would be ok. I told myself to relax and stop being paranoid. I shouldn't have. The anesthesiologist with tears in his eyes told me, "I'm not going to lie, she's not doing good. This is the worst day of my career." He was thinking of his career while my little girl was fighting for her life!? He felt bad so I said simply, "I know you tried your best," wondering if my happy sweet little girl would ever smile at me again. There was no point in making a scene. It wouldn't save her. It might kill her. I had to step back and breathe. I needed to focus on giving her all the love a

A Girl Can Dream, Right?

Preparing for the cruise, a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation courses through my veins. Amidst sapphire waves and ocean skies, I'm eager to meet with my teammates, especially one sexy beast I've been mentoring late at night, a little too often. A single man secure enough in his masculinity to be sponsored by a woman he'd never met, it was more likely I'd win the lottery but it happened! Men that secure, are as rare as a million dollars popping out of thin air! Finding one man who would just listen to my dream let alone believe in it and share it, up until him has been impossible... yeah I'm ready to go past first base and then some! As I finish packing, I can't help but indulge in a few tantalizing semi erotic fantasies. From our first conversation, strategizing his path to success, I was completely intoxicated by him. After months of working together, I'm still feeling an undeniable connection that has nothing to do with business. His confidence

Dreaming of Death

I dreamed I died, my usable organs were donated, and the rest of me was fed to the birds. I requested before I died, those who received my organs would gather once a year to celebrate my daughter's birthday. I dreamed pieces of my flesh were sent out to wildlife sanctuaries around the world. I dreamed each year, I could see my daughter with my eyes and she could feel my love surrounding her. I dreamed I soared with eagles, dove into the sea with the ospreys, and traveled the world in ecstasy. Gradually, I felt myself fading away into the darkness. My daughter's birthday came again. I lived in her smile and warmth. Like a brilliant sun, she brought life back to the surface. My essence swirled around her, through her. She became my home. I lived in her joy, in her peace I rested. Trees grew from the soil marked with remnants of my flesh, I felt the sun on their leaves, and I felt the cool rich soil bathing their roots. I felt myself in rivers flowing free and wild, splashing

UnknownOctober 20, 2016 at 4:25 PM
Go for it....
UnknownOctober 20, 2016 at 7:18 PM
Darlin', If the state of your body is the primary reason you are debating not seeing this guy? See the guy! Take the chance! Face the fact that you are probably going to feel stupid! DO IT ANYWAY! He isn't expecting you to be perfect in mind, body, or soul. If he is expecting that, he isn't worth your time. Not being perfect is part of a true attraction. So, buck up, slide on your lacy panties, or not, ignore the bra (those are waaaaaay over rated) and hang out with him. NO plan. No promises. NO expectations. Relax. Let yourself discover from him what he sees in you.
Remember, he is not your douch bag ex-husband who criticized you for things that you should have been complimented for. Don't let your past experience dictate ANYTHING about what it could be like with a guy that made you wet when you felt obliged to gouge out your eyes because he was so yummy in person and soul.
A guy that is that yummy isn't to be passed by because you are being critical of yourself.
A guy that is not only good looking, but good natured is a treasure more amazing than anything else.

The only question left is this. Is he really that great of a guy, or was it all an act? This question has nothing to do with your hair, make-up, belly, laundry, computer, or job description.

You are perfect as you are.

Is he good enough for you?

Love you, dear!!!!!
UnknownOctober 21, 2016 at 9:41 PM
Sometimes things happens to us even when things aren't as we want them to be. That's life! The question is are you ready? If you are then take that risk and put yourself out there.

Ashley Needles

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