Taking A Sabbatical

Sabbatical: a friendly loving break up where two people want to be together but can't. Unless you ask Webster, Miriam or Oxford.

Stupid me mentioned to him something, a secret I've been keeping for several years. Unlike me, he takes it seriously, whereas I do my best to ignore it most days until I break down under the weight of the damn thing.

Unfortunately, he also reads my blog so that whole typing out my concerns about the relationship and the strain it's put on me led to him making the decision that it would be best for me if we broke up.

He doesn't want it to be permanent just long enough for me to take care of well 'the damn secret.' Of course, he had to be a gentleman and instead of bringing up the big pink elephant in my life, he blamed it on his need to heal emotionally from his divorce and while I'm sure that played a part in it the whole us breaking up choice, I have a feeling that it was really my elephant on his mind.

I don't know if we would have gotten together if his trauma and my elephant hadn't gotten along so well, it was a rather climactic night that led to us having a sort of insta-deep connection. So he was nice and sweet and the break up didn't put me in the mood to make out with the first sexy beast who offered comfort. Darn it.

Luckily, the other day when I was getting close to hitting my breaking point I ran into someone else. This person cared enough to message me and then listen as I blathered on about how I had screwed up my relationship and hurt the guy I liked and about how awful my day was.

So after Hawk made his decision I went out with this new friend to eat. He made me laugh, we had fun. I'd hoped to lose myself in kisses and cuddles but that just wasn't to be.

That's the really big problem with having a nice polite sweet break up, it makes you want to tear your hair out because it doesn't come with any of the fun of a mean fiery break-up that leads to bad decisions and fun regrets.

So yeah Hawk, a good guy until the end. Dagnabit. Life is so much easier when you only say goodbye to jerks.

Comments

No Greater Love

In my marriage, I grew cold and distant, I was dark emptiness taking up a small space. When the marriage inevitably ended, I was left wondering if I was capable of love at all. Wondering if my coldness led to the death of something great for many people. Since then I've tried a few tepid attempts at love, with each trial showing me new errors. People say, "You just haven't met the right person yet," but that isn't true. Relationships fail not because there is some mystical magical right person out there for each of us but rather because we are human and being human means failing sometimes. (Of course, just because there is no "right one" that doesn't mean there aren't wrong ones. There are after all a few truly terrible people mucking about in the world but these are the exceptions, not the rule.) I am currently a failure at relationships, but with each failure, I learn and grow, and eventually, I will be a fantastic success at one relati...

One Day at a Time

Growing up in Utah, I had classes broaching subjects like episiotomies, lamaze, and more. Needless to say while I didn't want kids, I had my birth plan ready to the letter all the i's dotted and t's crossed. I planned a relaxed at home delivery with my birth partner in a tub of purified water, dim lights and the sounds of the ocean playing over a pre recorded sound track of my heart beat. I wanted erotic stimulation if labor stalled. I wanted delayed cord clamping and UV lights on the ready with an infant eye mask. With Res out of the picture, some of that obviously went out the window. As my due date came and went, my pre labor continued. Two weeks of contractions starting and stopping. Alone in a hotel room (chosen for its location relative to a hospital with a level five NICU and not for the black mold growing inside the bathroom or drug addicts in the hallways or gun shots down the street) I kept asking myself how I was going to do this. How was I ...

Divorce: A Journey to Total Happiness

Your plans lay shattered in a million pieces. You're walking around with a gaping hole smashed in your chest from the words that ripped out your heart. You can barely breathe. I remember those first three months vividly. I'd failed my marriage, my husband and myself. My dreams of being a perfect wife, of having the best marriage ever, all went perfectly to hell. Despite how many times I'd fantasized about leaving my husband and how awful my marriage was every inch of my body felt flayed, bruised and every bone broken. Each nerve ending cried with a desperate need to be touched and held. Any vague reminder of my marriage, my spouse, was like getting kicked in the gut by a Clydesdale. Three years later I look back and know it was all worth it, every excruciating moment. The living torment led me to paths I never would have otherwise taken. Desperate to escape the thoughts torturing my mind I delved into sleep hypnosis, audiobooks on relationships, communica...

Ashley Needles

Search This Blog