Nobody EVER Talks About IT

What happens when you choose to stay in an abusive relationship even after your life has turned to hell?

I'm so blessed that hell kicked me out, though at first, it cut me apart. I felt like a complete and utter failure. Later, as I began to recover, see clearly, and started living for myself for the first time in my life, that's when tiny cracks began to appear.

It started off as what seemed like little things. I wasn't comfortable with people. I had nightmares where I was forced to go back to that "prison." As time went on I noticed bigger problems, things upset me that I couldn't find a reason for. When I liked a guy and we started bonding I would suddenly get really annoyed by everything he did.

It wasn't like me to be so uptight or easily bothered. The music he listened to would suddenly make my head feel like it was going to explode or whenever he started talking about something panic would suddenly seize my chest and I would start babbling and freaking out while my mind played visions of the person I was with turning into or behaving like my abuser. It was a nightmare.

At times I can't leave my house for fear of running into him even though he doesn't live anywhere near me.

Sometimes I'm on a date and I become the worst person in the world. I start saying horrible things. It's like I have terrets or something. I belittle the guy's job or family or whatever and I want to smack myself just so I will shut up and go back to being a decent human being.

Abuse changes your whole life. You keep telling yourself, "It will get better," and so you stay. You keep thinking "He'll grow up and realize this isn't appropriate," and you stay.

You stay and you stay until, by the time you finally are free, you feel too damaged to ever have another relationship. When you stay, the person you were disappears bit by bit and you become someone you don't recognize.

Staying has terrible consequences. Some people stay until the abuser finally kills them and by then they are so broken they don't care. Others stay until the abuser replaces them with a new victim.

Staying is the worst choice you can make, especially if you have children. Don't let your children believe it is okay for anyone to treat you poorly because if you do, they will believe it is okay when someone treats them poorly. They will empathize with the abuser and learn from you to make excuses for the behavior.

Instead,

LEAVE!

RUN!

DON'T LOOK BACK!

DON'T WONDER, "WHAT IF I...?"

OR "MAYBE HE JUST NEEDS ME TO..."

JUST GO AND KEEP GOING!

DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID.

I know in time I will undo the damage he did, but every second is so precious. You don't want to spend years working through all the walls you built, the fear he or she left you with. You deserve to be happy NOW!

LOVE YOU!!!
LOVE ALL OF YOURSELF!!!!!!

For recognizing abuse early on read my blog:

Dealing with Toxic People

Or Check out these audiobooks!

A Parent's Nightmare

It was supposed to be an ordinary day, but a feeling something was going to go horribly wrong kept me awake the night before. I waited six months, because the first time they mentioned the routine procedure and the risks I knew my daughter was going to end up dead, or brain damaged. I thought I'd waited long enough. After six months I believed things would be ok. I told myself to relax and stop being paranoid. I shouldn't have. The anesthesiologist with tears in his eyes told me, "I'm not going to lie, she's not doing good. This is the worst day of my career." He was thinking of his career while my little girl was fighting for her life!? He felt bad so I said simply, "I know you tried your best," wondering if my happy sweet little girl would ever smile at me again. There was no point in making a scene. It wouldn't save her. It might kill her. I had to step back and breathe. I needed to focus on giving her all the love a

A Girl Can Dream, Right?

Preparing for the cruise, a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation courses through my veins. Amidst sapphire waves and ocean skies, I'm eager to meet with my teammates, especially one sexy beast I've been mentoring late at night, a little too often. A single man secure enough in his masculinity to be sponsored by a woman he'd never met, it was more likely I'd win the lottery but it happened! Men that secure, are as rare as a million dollars popping out of thin air! Finding one man who would just listen to my dream let alone believe in it and share it, up until him has been impossible... yeah I'm ready to go past first base and then some! As I finish packing, I can't help but indulge in a few tantalizing semi erotic fantasies. From our first conversation, strategizing his path to success, I was completely intoxicated by him. After months of working together, I'm still feeling an undeniable connection that has nothing to do with business. His confidence

Dreaming of Death

I dreamed I died, my usable organs were donated, and the rest of me was fed to the birds. I requested before I died, those who received my organs would gather once a year to celebrate my daughter's birthday. I dreamed pieces of my flesh were sent out to wildlife sanctuaries around the world. I dreamed each year, I could see my daughter with my eyes and she could feel my love surrounding her. I dreamed I soared with eagles, dove into the sea with the ospreys, and traveled the world in ecstasy. Gradually, I felt myself fading away into the darkness. My daughter's birthday came again. I lived in her smile and warmth. Like a brilliant sun, she brought life back to the surface. My essence swirled around her, through her. She became my home. I lived in her joy, in her peace I rested. Trees grew from the soil marked with remnants of my flesh, I felt the sun on their leaves, and I felt the cool rich soil bathing their roots. I felt myself in rivers flowing free and wild, splashing

Ashley Needles

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