Advice to myself for 2019

Dear Ashley,

We have a lot of work to do. Let's make this year amazing! First, though you need to stop ruminating and get some sleep! 

I know you have a certain relationship in your head you're obsessing on how to fix it while also questioning if you should just discard it and move on. 

You've done more than enough for now and you need to just let things lie. 

If the other person decides you're the kind of awesome necessary to have in life then that person will figure out what they need to do to measure up to what is required to be your friend. 

You are always so damn hard on yourself when it comes to relationships that you seldom ever seem to let yourself just enjoy the time you get with people you care about. 

I know Art's death is a large part of that and so you want to make certain you never again leave things badly with another, but hun lately you've been going to extremes and it isn't good for you. 

You are making yourself sick over relationships and instead of those being a source of joy you are being sucked dry by your own expectations of how you believe you should be. 

Accept that you aren't perfect and there are going to be misunderstandings and mistakes. 

You try your hardest and I love you for it but you need to learn to let things go and that you can't fix relationships when the other person doesn't care at all. 

Besides judging from the most recent experiment in your life you've found a strategy that works. So you need to breathe a little and get back to focusing on writing your books and let things unfold without pressuring yourself to be everything to everyone. 

Anyway, I know you like to obsess and worry and fix but sometimes you need to let the other person steer the boat. 

Remember you are going to be okay. 

I love you and I love you even though you're not perfect because you are so much more than the carbon copy of an impossible ideal!

Happy 2019 my dearest wonderful self!

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