Ashley Needles

I stopped at a little gas station. My most recent heartbreak was there. He tried to make chitchat while I held in the pain of my sister's death. Then the doors opened and the man who has haunted my dreams since I can remember arrived. His fiery gaze pierced my soul, I could not look away. He approached raising one eyebrow questioning if I was with the man who stood before me talking without meaning his words. Before I could answer though, fire and darkness slid his arm around my waist as though it was always meant to be there. He pulled me close. Pulled me away from the lies, deceit, and false friendship. I rested against his chest; his pounding heartbeat soothing in my ear. He lifted me into his arms carrying me out to his vehicle. In the seat waiting for him to make his way around to the driver's side questions tumbled through my mind. He sat down and closed his door. "What are you doing here?" I asked floundering for a reason to put up a wall and ...

Ever had someone quit a friendship with you? Did you ever not want that friendship to end? It's easy to get selfish in friendship and take friends for granted. I know I have. Did you ever want to fix things? Being on the side of walking away from a few people today, mostly because with what is going on with my sister I just can't give anymore I've been sucked dry I had to let go, but that doesn't mean things had to be over, things just had to change. But if someone is to the point of quitting a relationship platonic or not with you, how do you change their mind? I can only tell you what would work with me at this point in these relationships. First, I'll share with you what happened and then what could have been different. Me:  Hey I want you to know I wish you the best, but I think it's best to cut contact. As my sister is in the ICU and you've shown a lack of concern for me, I think it's best if I invest my time and friendship elsewhere...

This makes me bonkers more than anything else a person can do. This leads to me ending relationships because I can't handle it. Of course, I have to admit I've done this too but only when the person was violent or threatening. In 2018 I cared about too many people who just didn't or couldn't show they cared back. It was so hard on my heart, it still is. Daily I ask myself why I'm still trying with these people. I know eventually, I have to end things for my own sanity but I keep hoping for a miracle. I keep wondering why they push me away, what I've done wrong... I keep wondering why I'm not enough. If it were just one person it wouldn't matter but it isn't. It's several. One of which... I made a huge sacrifice for but that person can never know about it because the fallout would be massive in his life. So I keep my silence. I keep trying... at least for now. Soon though I'll stop trying and block all contact. I...

Dear Ashley, We have a lot of work to do. Let's make this year amazing! First, though you need to stop ruminating and get some sleep! I know you have a certain relationship in your head you're obsessing on how to fix it while also questioning if you should just discard it and move on. You've done more than enough for now and you need to just let things lie. If the other person decides you're the kind of awesome necessary to have in life then that person will figure out what they need to do to measure up to what is required to be your friend. You are always so damn hard on yourself when it comes to relationships that you seldom ever seem to let yourself just enjoy the time you get with people you care about. I know Art's death is a large part of that and so you want to make certain you never again leave things badly with another, but hun lately you've been going to extremes and it isn't good for you. You are making your...

I'm frustrated with someone and what better way to deal than by writing a blog about it? It may not be the right way to deal but it's the write way tonight. For some people asking for time means asking for space. For me, time and space are not nearly so relative. I needed time to trust again after way too much space. Alone in the abandoned relation'ship' I'd been bailing out water trying to keep our friendship afloat all by myself for months after he broke my heart. I get it, I was insensitive and deserved to have my heart broken but he said he wanted to be friends... Maybe he said it to be nice, to soften the blow, maybe he didn't mean it but I trusted him and took him at his word. The first few weeks, it made sense he would be cold and distant, my stupid mistake hurt him, hurt us. I deserved to be punished. I accidentally hit the jackpot on his pain receptors in my need to sabotage the relationship out of fear of ever again going through a "limey...

Start with "Hi, it's nice to meet you."  I know some of you out there probably want to get out the gasoline and a lit match but that isn't going to help you.  People are allowed to move on.  Warning: This isn't an outline about how to get an ex back, this is just basic human decency which seems to be lacking in the world these days.  I've met a few new flames of people I was still in love with and though it felt like my chest was being carved up by a knife, I sucked it up and said, "I'm so glad he/she found you."  Why? Because when you love someone it means doing your best to support their happiness even if it means them being with someone else!  I've talked up my exes, highlighting my favorite qualities to the new Paramore in their life. I also find things to like about them being a couple.  Typically the new person will ask why you're glad that your ex found them. The answer, "because you make (insert ...