Ashley Needles

A great peace has washed over me the last few days. It's amazing how being lied about and condemned publicly set me free. For so long fear held me hostage. I expected the world to turn on me and see me the way my persecutor did. I lived in hiding ashamed of my cowardice and convinced of my insignificance. I wanted so badly to just disappear completely. Years went by while I suffered silently knowing that at some point the ticking time bomb was going to go off. Abusive emails twisted and confused the truth, speaking falsehoods with conviction suffocated me. At times, I could barely breathe because of the weight and I would wonder if I was crazy. Tick... tick... tick... went the time bomb day after day and like an Alfred Hitchcock marathon the suspense frayed at my nerves. Finally, the bomb went off. Instead of my life blowing up into a million pieces and losing so many dear and wonderful friendships, the bomb had over time without my awareness transformed into...

I stood in an operating room, in front of me were doctors and nurses operating on a patient. I expected when I approached I would see myself laying on the bed but to my surprise, I didn't find myself there this time. Instead, hooked up to a breathing tube, was the man I used to call my husband. I looked at the Doctor standing next to me. He had white hair escaping his blue cap and twinkling blue eyes. "What are you doing to him?" I asked eyeing the sharp objects laying neatly on a tray by his bed. "He's very ill, we're trying to save his life." The doctor said in a kind and patient voice. "But what's wrong with him?" I wondered aloud. Then a large movement caught my eye. One of the doctors had made an incision into the head of the patient and out of it came giant red angry preying mantises. Each mantis was nearly eleven feet tall. They jumped on the walls and eyed their victim. They were going to kill him. Without thinking I grabbed t...

Here's what I've learned over the last few years from trying to make things make sense again. Often addicts are trying to fill up a hole in their "soul." They try to fill it with food or drugs or exercise or other people. This need can create both good or bad habits. It can lead to greatness or destruction. Sometimes both. It's an interesting paradigm. Narcissists are also typically addicts. They are addicted to praise and feeling special. The reason is usually the narcissist feels incredibly lonely and is in deep pain. Like drug addicts, they will do just about anything to get their fix. Hurt loved ones, lie, have affairs, make millions, whatever it takes. This is why narcissists often turn to drugs or create delusions of grandeur. The most difficult time for a narcissist or a drug addict is the comedown, the crash. This is when the narcissist is most vulnerable to psychotic breaks or picking up new addictions. The desperate need to feel special wil...

I was in a quaint little store buying things for my business when outside a giant foot stomped down. I ran out wondering what was going on and rushed to take my packages where they needed to go but block by block building after building fell as the giant knocked down structures barricading each path I tried to go down. Just before I woke up the path became clear and a shining palace with beautiful gardens lay directly ahead of me. I hadn't seen it before because the view was blocked by the sky rises that were now flattened. The message was clear, the dreams I'd been trying to build and do weren't quite right but I was on a path and being herded toward something better, something right. It was the day after this dream that Amazon pulled my commissions and I realized I needed a new way to monetize my blog. I still haven't figured out what that is yet. Today I was surrounded and swallowed up by love. People always go off about the downsides of social media but ...

A few days ago I got tricked by an app that said you could make $250 in a day with it. I started using it then posted about it on my facebook profile, but when I went to share and discovered that not only had Facebook blocked me from messaging the link to people but so had google! I realized it was a scam and I was in a pickle. OOPS! I hadn't done my due diligence! While I'm okay with shooting myself in the foot financially at times I'm not okay with doing that to my friends and to be frank I hadn't expected the many enthusiastic responses to the post about the app and because I didn't want to disappoint those people who trusted me. I needed to find something quick, something that people actually could make good money with. So as quick as I could I found the most reputable and trustworthy app that really would make people decent money. Here's what I found to fulfill my promise to my friends and supporters.   Thank Heavens for  Ebates! Clic...

Harlequin didn't call me about "The Best Bad Boy," to be quite frank it isn't even ready for submission. I've been struggling though lately with my confidence as an author and well just my confidence in general. It's just part of what happens when people decide to give you their wonderfully negative opinion of you, even if you don't want it and didn't ask for it. I could pretend to be like "Oh yeah show those haters," like some people would but I'm unfortunately not wired that way. I'm wired normal, which means other people's opinions do affect me. They don't, however, get to create my reality. The wonderful thing about adulting is, you are the designer of your life! If you are feeling bad you can choose to spend time with people who make you feel better. I'm a bit late getting around to writing this blog. April fools was a week ago. This year I did an April fools status with dream adjacent because while I'd ne...