Skip to main content

To Love is Euphoric, To be Loved is to be Broken and Made Whole

I feel so blessed. I just finished processing some things with M. He validated my feelings understood my confusion and did all the things I needed to feel sane again as my world and emotions were once again flipped over and muddled up.

His ability to listen as I sorted out my new reality and dealt with the cancellation of my favorite real life comedy were epic. He gave me hope that tomorrow my feelings of schadenfreude might return and my unhealthy empathy might pass.
While we talked I got a call from another who has been asking to be made into a rock in my life and while it didn't go so great probably due to Justin having a migraine and a misunderstanding of the situation I was so lucky to be cared about enough that he was willing to set aside not feeling great to try to be there.
Sometimes it's too much. Sometimes it's overwhelming to be given such perfect love and sacrifice as I have been given by so many of you, by M, by Sam and by Justin.
I was never much cared for growing up. I was an annoying intolerable child and while there were reasons for this, to be so loved now, the difference is always striking, always poignant.
The road I traveled to become someone who is honored with such great love and support was one of incredible loneliness and required a determination that looking back I'm surprised to discover I possessed.
Love has taken many forms in my life, the other day it took the form of someone being quite annoyed and upset with me.
Dear Sam, you hate it when I put other people's needs so far beyond mine I forget my health and safety. I love how quick you are to remind me I am precious too and that my safety and life deserve consideration.
You were there for me the many times I forgot and you gave me a safe place to rest when I was in danger from having been far too patient and far too kind.
You will never know how much it meant then or how much it means now and for forever.
My life has not been easy, but because of you my friends it has been beautiful and because of you I thrive.
Labels:

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 20, 2023 at 2:09 AM

    been in love wit u for 10 years !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashley NeedlesOctober 10, 2023 at 9:17 PM

      That's very sweet anonymous. Not sure what to say, I hope you are well!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Thanks for caring enough to comment! You are awesome!

Popular posts from this blog

A Parent's Nightmare

It was supposed to be an ordinary day, but a feeling something was going to go horribly wrong kept me awake the night before. I waited six months, because the first time they mentioned the routine procedure and the risks I knew my daughter was going to end up dead, or brain damaged.  I thought I'd waited long enough. After six months I believed things would be ok.  I told myself to relax and stop being paranoid. I shouldn't have. The anesthesiologist with tears in his eyes told me, "I'm not going to lie, she's not doing good. This is the worst day of my career." He was thinking of his career while my little girl was fighting for her life!?  He felt bad so I said simply, "I know you tried your best," wondering if my happy sweet little girl would ever smile at me again. There was no point in making a scene. It wouldn't save her. It might kill her. I had to step back and breathe. I needed to focus on giving her all the love a
Post a Comment
Read more

A Girl Can Dream, Right?

Preparing for the cruise, a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation courses through my veins. Amidst sapphire waves and ocean skies, I'm eager to meet with my teammates, especially one sexy beast I've been mentoring late at night, a little too often.  A single man secure enough in his masculinity to be sponsored by a woman he'd never met, it was more likely I'd win the lottery but it happened!  Men that secure, are  as rare as a million dollars popping out of thin air!  Finding one man who would just listen to my dream let alone believe in it and share it, up until him has been impossible... yeah I'm ready to go past first base and then some! As I finish packing, I can't help but indulge in a few tantalizing semi erotic fantasies. From our first conversation, strategizing his path to success, I was completely intoxicated by him. After months of working together, I'm still feeling an  undeniable connection that has nothing to do with business. His confidence
Post a Comment
Read more

Dreaming of Death

I dreamed I died, my usable organs were donated, and the rest of me was fed to the birds. I requested before I died, those who received my organs would gather once a year to celebrate my daughter's birthday. I dreamed pieces of my flesh were sent out to wildlife sanctuaries around the world.  I dreamed each year, I could see my daughter with my eyes and she could feel my love surrounding her.  I dreamed I soared with eagles, dove into the sea with the ospreys, and traveled the world in ecstasy.  Gradually, I felt myself fading away into the darkness.  My daughter's birthday came again. I lived in her smile and warmth. Like a brilliant sun, she brought life back to the surface. My essence swirled around her, through her. She became my home. I lived in her joy, in her peace I rested. Trees grew from the soil marked with remnants of my flesh, I felt the sun on their leaves, and I felt the cool rich soil bathing their roots. I felt myself in rivers flowing free and wild, splashing
Post a Comment
Read more