To Love is Euphoric, To be Loved is to be Broken and Made Whole

I feel so blessed. I just finished processing some things with M. He validated my feelings understood my confusion and did all the things I needed to feel sane again as my world and emotions were once again flipped over and muddled up.

His ability to listen as I sorted out my new reality and dealt with the cancellation of my favorite real life comedy were epic. He gave me hope that tomorrow my feelings of schadenfreude might return and my unhealthy empathy might pass.

While we talked I got a call from another who has been asking to be made into a rock in my life and while it didn't go so great probably due to Justin having a migraine and a misunderstanding of the situation I was so lucky to be cared about enough that he was willing to set aside not feeling great to try to be there.

Sometimes it's too much. Sometimes it's overwhelming to be given such perfect love and sacrifice as I have been given by so many of you, by M, by Sam and by Justin.

I was never much cared for growing up. I was an annoying intolerable child and while there were reasons for this, to be so loved now, the difference is always striking, always poignant.

The road I traveled to become someone who is honored with such great love and support was one of incredible loneliness and required a determination that looking back I'm surprised to discover I possessed.

Love has taken many forms in my life, the other day it took the form of someone being quite annoyed and upset with me.

Dear Sam, you hate it when I put other people's needs so far beyond mine I forget my health and safety. I love how quick you are to remind me I am precious too and that my safety and life deserve consideration.

You were there for me the many times I forgot and you gave me a safe place to rest when I was in danger from having been far too patient and far too kind.

You will never know how much it meant then or how much it means now and for forever.

My life has not been easy, but because of you my friends it has been beautiful and because of you I thrive.