Skip to main content

Dear MOST Men,

I want to be heard, but the way I look makes you deaf.

You say you know me. You don't know me. You only know your idea of me.
We haven't had deep conversations. Yet you think you know me when you haven't asked a single question.
You want to sleep with me so much you won't get out of my car no matter how I hint, ask or beg. When you finally do, you're angry I made you leave and you bash my job because it means I can't give you the time you demand.
You kiss me because you can't hear "No," over the pulsing drum of the selfish animal howling inside you.
The animal that makes me afraid. So you tell me to relax and I want to slam my fist into your face but I restrain myself knowing you can hit a lot harder.
You have the power to kill me with a single blow. So I let you kiss me shoving down the urge to bite off your tongue as you plunge it down my throat making me gag.
I try to talk, to bond to give you a chance to see more than just the "pretty" but you cut me off because you want to sleep with me so damn bad and so you have to interrupt before I can finish a single sentence.
You tell me to take a compliment when you tell me you want to touch my tits or lick between my thighs because you think I'm so pretty.
Your "compliments" make me gag.
Being pretty makes me hate you because you don't treat me like an intelligent living being, instead, you treat me like I live only to be your fetish, your dream and not my own. You tell me I'm being a "Princess" when I grasp for straws of the identity you try to steal away.
You act like constantly talking about how pretty I am, means I owe you something. You think you're treating me right because you tell me I'm pretty.
Pretty isn't my identity. It isn't me. When I look in the mirror a stranger stares back.
Until I look deeper.

I wish I could find someone who looked deeper and did not go deaf.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

No Greater Love

In my marriage, I grew cold and distant, I was dark emptiness taking up a small space. When the marriage inevitably ended, I was left wondering if I was capable of love at all. Wondering if my coldness led to the death of something great for many people. Since then I've tried a few tepid attempts at love, with each trial showing me new errors. People say, "You just haven't met the right person yet," but that isn't true. Relationships fail not because there is some mystical magical right person out there for each of us but rather because we are human and being human means failing sometimes. (Of course, just because there is no "right one" that doesn't mean there aren't wrong ones. There are after all a few truly terrible people mucking about in the world but these are the exceptions, not the rule.) I am currently a failure at relationships, but with each failure, I learn and grow, and eventually, I will be a fantastic success at one relati...

One Day at a Time

 Growing up in Utah, I had classes broaching subjects like episiotomies, lamaze, and more. Needless to say while I didn't want kids, I had my birth plan ready to the letter all the i's dotted and t's crossed. I planned a relaxed at home delivery with my birth partner in a tub of purified water, dim lights and the sounds of the ocean playing over a pre recorded sound track of my heart beat. I wanted erotic stimulation if labor stalled. I wanted delayed cord clamping and UV lights on the ready with an infant eye mask.  With Res out of the picture, some of that obviously went out the window. As my due date came and went, my pre labor continued. Two weeks of contractions starting and stopping. Alone in a hotel room (chosen for its location relative to a hospital with a level five NICU and not for the black mold growing inside the bathroom or drug addicts in the hallways or gun shots down the street) I kept asking myself how I was going to do this. How was I ...

Divorce: A Journey to Total Happiness

Your plans lay shattered in a million pieces. You're walking around with a gaping hole smashed in your chest from the words that ripped out your heart. You can barely breathe.  I remember those first three months vividly. I'd failed my marriage, my husband and myself. My dreams of being a perfect wife, of having the best marriage ever, all went perfectly to hell. Despite how many times I'd fantasized about leaving my husband and how awful my marriage was every inch of my body felt flayed, bruised and every bone broken.  Each nerve ending cried with a desperate need to be touched and held. Any vague reminder of my marriage, my spouse, was like getting kicked in the gut by a Clydesdale.  Three years later I look back and know it was all worth it, every excruciating moment.  The living torment led me to paths I never would have otherwise taken.  Desperate to escape the thoughts torturing my mind I delved into sleep hypnosis, audiobooks on relationships, communica...