Cheers to the Dads

Being pregnant, I've noticed something, everyone and I mean everyone tells my partner what to do for me. "Rub her feet," "Rub her back," "Make her take it easy," etc. and while I have to say I'm a huge fan of massages and putting my feet up, and all this advice is well intentioned, people don't know my partner.

Res tries to give me massages but ninety nine percent of the time his hands are cut up from being a mechanic, electrician, plumber and more. He works himself to the bone in bitter cold and blistering heat and when people tell him all the things they think he should be doing for me, that he just can't, he feels like crap.

He is doing more than one person should ever have to do. To me, he is a super hero without the tacky cape. Today he worked on his sister's car, his grandfather's van, and a truck to sell for some extra cash to feed and cloth our baby, then he did a mountain of dishes by hand.

While I've cooked a few things for him here and there, given him massages, and had him put his feet up at times despite nausea, backaches, exhaustion and all the other rigors of pregnancy I to an extreme have the better end of the deal.

I know all these people are trying to be helpful and society is all about the pregnant woman, but I'd like to say, back off.

To the men out there, doing everything you can to provide, protect, pamper, and spoil the snot out of the woman carrying your child, YOU ARE AWESOME! And you aren't being given nearly enough credit.

My personal superman, if he notices anything he can do for me, he rushes to do it before I can ask, yet society still makes him feel like everything he's doing just isn't enough. So if that's you, just know you aren't alone.

Res brought me breakfast in bed every morning for months until he got a small refridgerator that now sits on the night stand he built for me and he does a ton of other things daily that according to society aren't enough because no matter what he's doing for me, his friends, his relatives, even strangers tell him to do more.

Don't get me wrong men, pregnancy is not easy. Absolutely my back hurts and at times I'm so exhausted I feel ran over and after I got out of the shower today I rubbed my feet for a bit, but for the men like Res, who clipped my toenails after working thirty six hours straight to fix the water pump and burst pipes so we would have running water on top of working construction to pay the bills, you guys rock!

And I want you to know that despite nausea, despite medical bills piling up, and more, sometimes the thing a woman needs most in the world is just for her beloved to rest, because what stresses me out during this pregnancy, and stress is bad for the baby, is worrying Res is going to give himself a heart attack as he tries frantically to be and do more and despite that the pressure from others and society never lets up.

So to all those soon to be dads and already fathers out there doing your best, I want to say you are more than enough. You are exceptional. We women are so lucky you exist. Thank you for being super heroes.

No Greater Love

In my marriage, I grew cold and distant, I was dark emptiness taking up a small space. When the marriage inevitably ended, I was left wondering if I was capable of love at all. Wondering if my coldness led to the death of something great for many people. Since then I've tried a few tepid attempts at love, with each trial showing me new errors. People say, "You just haven't met the right person yet," but that isn't true. Relationships fail not because there is some mystical magical right person out there for each of us but rather because we are human and being human means failing sometimes. (Of course, just because there is no "right one" that doesn't mean there aren't wrong ones. There are after all a few truly terrible people mucking about in the world but these are the exceptions, not the rule.) I am currently a failure at relationships, but with each failure, I learn and grow, and eventually, I will be a fantastic success at one relati...

One Day at a Time

Growing up in Utah, I had classes broaching subjects like episiotomies, lamaze, and more. Needless to say while I didn't want kids, I had my birth plan ready to the letter all the i's dotted and t's crossed. I planned a relaxed at home delivery with my birth partner in a tub of purified water, dim lights and the sounds of the ocean playing over a pre recorded sound track of my heart beat. I wanted erotic stimulation if labor stalled. I wanted delayed cord clamping and UV lights on the ready with an infant eye mask. With Res out of the picture, some of that obviously went out the window. As my due date came and went, my pre labor continued. Two weeks of contractions starting and stopping. Alone in a hotel room (chosen for its location relative to a hospital with a level five NICU and not for the black mold growing inside the bathroom or drug addicts in the hallways or gun shots down the street) I kept asking myself how I was going to do this. How was I ...

Divorce: A Journey to Total Happiness

Your plans lay shattered in a million pieces. You're walking around with a gaping hole smashed in your chest from the words that ripped out your heart. You can barely breathe. I remember those first three months vividly. I'd failed my marriage, my husband and myself. My dreams of being a perfect wife, of having the best marriage ever, all went perfectly to hell. Despite how many times I'd fantasized about leaving my husband and how awful my marriage was every inch of my body felt flayed, bruised and every bone broken. Each nerve ending cried with a desperate need to be touched and held. Any vague reminder of my marriage, my spouse, was like getting kicked in the gut by a Clydesdale. Three years later I look back and know it was all worth it, every excruciating moment. The living torment led me to paths I never would have otherwise taken. Desperate to escape the thoughts torturing my mind I delved into sleep hypnosis, audiobooks on relationships, communica...

Ashley Needles

Search This Blog