Ashley Needles

Fight to be happy. In other cultures, this is a common mentality. Yet in the USA I've noticed a strange entitlement as though it is the world that is required to make people happy and not the individual responsibility. From my experience happiness isn't created outside of the self and happiness cannot be bought, nor found, nor given. It is rather a determination of will power to find joy in common things. When I wake up I make myself a promise to be happy no matter what. There are times when this isn't easy. When my sister died, it seemed a little absurd to try and find things to be happy about in the midst of grief but I did discover it was possible. I was happy to know so many people cared. Happy to know she wasn't alone when she passed. Happy her children had the chance to say goodbye. In the average day to day though, it is in the little blessings where I find happiness the most. I love the sound of Messy's nails tapping on the floor as she follows me ...

I was today years old when I found out I have/had multiple personalities. Why did it take so long when I was diagnosed 18 years ago? Google wasn't a thing when I was seventeen and Doctor Fife, my once upon a time psychologist, said I had Disassociative Identity. He explained it as the ability to cut off emotions from trauma. Apparently, D.I.D. has never been cured but from my experience it was. I guess it is kind of like when an alcoholic hasn't had a drink in fifteen years is still considered an alcoholic? IDK. Last night I should have gotten home and gone straight to bed but of course, habit drew me to my computer to check on a few things and at three A.M. I found myself clicking a link to a youtube video on Disassociative Identity because despite having lived with it my entire life I've never had anyone else to compare my situation with. Luckily my case is very mild. I'm someone who doesn't have full-on blackout amnesia and my "alters" as ...