Ashley Needles

Feelings linger. I know it isn't logical. I'm not talking about my feelings for Art, those were real. No, I'm okay with mourning a man who was my best friend and love for four years. I wish it were him I think about when loneliness creeps in. Instead, with winter's chill shadow knocking at my psyche, I think about the man after him. The delusional insane obsession I've had since Art died. "It isn't real," I tell myself. It lasted just a month. It wasn't a deep soul connection, just physical comfort. Regardless though, my mind returns to the man who taught me so much so fast and who walked out of my life so quickly leaving behind a shattered shell held together by a few stitches of kindness. I was at my best friend's house, dressed in a short skirt for the man with stormy blue eyes watching me play with my friend's eldest child. The child wacked my face with full heavy key ring. I held back the tears and told him that wasn't ho...

What I really need and what every woman really needs in this world isn't cut stems of wilting death, withering away in glass vases, but something like this:   We need tools to keep the people around us accountable for their actions! Phones are useful but sometimes we need protection walking to our cars at night after work when our hands are full. Do you know how scary it is to finally get off work and go to your car at night to discover a stranger waiting for you? I was lucky the guy was waiting to give me a rose but that he spent three nights waiting and watching to discover which car was mine to do this freaked me out. There was also the time I took the garbage out of Burger Supreme in Provo when I was nineteen and had to race back in because some random homeless guy was there who shoved me against the giant dumpster to fondle my breasts. I got him off of me but that was one of hundreds of instances that contributed to my current state of being some what of a...

The dog, I have to walk her eventually. Then, then, I can get in a taxi and just leave, but Dicksin still has my passport. If I tell the front desk will they help me? No, no one will believe me. Dicksin will make up some story about me being crazy. I'll look insane. I am insane. This can't be real. I must be dreaming. No having a nightmare. I shut my eyes hoping everything will change. Dicksin claps his hands in front of my face again. "Wake up!" I'm still in the hotel room. Two days now without sleep. How is he still going? The little white pills. My head spins. "This won't work unless you want it to." He says caressing my face. I look at the cards on the floor. The places I'm supposed to step to become the wife he wants. Sheryll Crow's voice rings in my thoughts, "If it makes you happy, it can't be that ba-a-ad." I want Dicksin to be happy. I've been a terrible wife. Not thin enough for him, not affectionate en...

You say You're a good guy So I'm asking, please, Don't. Don't bore me with lies  About what you see in my eyes.  Don't tell me I'm pretty, gorgeous, or fine.  First I don't care  and second words, like those,  Aren't worth a dime. Instead, Take NO for an answer, THE FIRST TIME! Say I'm strong, witty, or wise. Ask and admire what I've done with my life. Set fire to my brain To ignite the fire in my veins Stimulate me.  Don't educate me. Respect me, Don't protect me! Infantilizing, Minimizing, Sexualizing, Objectifying. Excusing, Instead of apologizing AFTER YOU ASSAULT ME! Weary begging YOU to....... hear.......  me.......  BUT You don't. You don't see ME you see my body. You don't know ME You know the image on your screen. A hollow caricature of your dreams. To you, I'm meek and mild.  Just a t...

Something I wrote a while ago.         Beneath the table, at the apex of my thighs, lust pulls, tightens. It’s probably nothing to Jare, just an accidental look without purpose. To me, it’s an exquisite thrill, something besides fear of dropping the ball tonight.       Gazing at Dicksin, I notice he’s getting beyond buzzed. He stands up launching into the story of his introduction to the industry when he was twelve. He’s telling it exceptionally well tonight. Our company of thirty VIP’s who's interest seemed feigned begin to appear genuinely entertained. Dicksin is a gifted presenter.        I never expected to marry someone as charismatic, handsome and charming as Dicksin is on the outside. His nose is a bit large, his face is gaunt and at times he looks like a praying mantis, but his body is lean wiry muscle.      On the outside, it seems like I have a perfect fairytale ending. You...

It was March, a week after Art's death. Each breath since it happened felt as though my ribs were breaking my chest, the loss so enormous it was a black hole crushing me alive. He saw my sad eyes, grabbed my wrist and pulled me back when I tried to walk away. "What's wrong?" He asked. "Art's dead." The words hung sucking away the air between us. Every part of me wished to be swallowed by the earth. Dying could not be as terrible as this. "Let me help," it wasn't a question. It was a demand. "I've interned with grief counseling." We made plans. I pasted on a smile and make-up and went to pick him up. A glimmer of excitement for the ounce of relief he offered from the pain ripping me apart, was the first touch of anything but torment I'd felt since Laura gave me the news. He got in my truck with a bad mood that was closer to a hurricane than a storm cloud. I tried to compensate. I wanted so desperately for one pe...

I was privileged to have a front row seat to the success of one of the fastest growing internet companies born in the twenty-first century. A success that while it was short lived, was the start of many imitations. Who am I and what was my role? I am the soon to be ex-wife of David Wood. I was there for the beginning, the success and watched from a distance the death of Empower Network, something I loved as deeply as if it were my child. I remember David and I talking about a name for the company, I wanted to call it "Generosity Lives," a name I felt inspired hope and would attract people who wanted to make money not just for themselves but for the good of the world. David considered that for about two hours before tossing it aside in favor of a name that would attract not just the soft hearted but everyone. DON'T DISCRIMINATE.  You have no idea who will make You a Millionaire! Before EN was conceived, David adopted and cast aside other companies. When...